A searching spirit...

Blogging is so yesterday...

2011-07-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

As you can see, it's been awhile! For some reason blogging has been the last thing on my mind. Perhaps it's because on my birthday this year I found out we are having another baby, or because we bought our first home, or even that Nash has become so independent that all I do is chase him around. Whatever the reason is, it's now time for an update.

JANUARY 2011

Jake and I started the process of becoming homeowners. Like most of our decisions it was pretty spur of the moment. Thankfully it all worked out and we ended up for a great home and a great deal. We also found of that we were going to be parents for the 2nd time. Baby number two will be joining us September 2011. This was great and scary news. It has taken awhile to adjust to the idea of two little ones running around, but everyday I get more and more excited to see this baby.

Mostly January and February consisted of SNOW!

FEBRUARY 2011

This month was a blur, to be honest I can hardly remember what happened during this time.

MARCH 2011

We celebrated Loran Kinley's birthday, and Jake spend a few weeks on a work trip in Philadelphia. While Jake was away Nash and I were able to take a trip to Pine Ridge with some of our old friends, Andy and Alissa.

An older photo, but you get the picture.

After returning from the Rez, Nash and I stayed with the Ladds and enjoyed a trip to the Shoreview Community center.

The first swim of the season!

Nash lasted about an hour then it was time for "baby burrito"

Jake was delayed on his drive home by 3 feet of snow. We missed him and were excited to celebrate his birthday when he arrived home.

APRIL 2011

April was a big month for us. We celebrated Jakes birthday which I had big plans for but Leanne Rhymes seemed to through everything off. Another reason I don't listen to country music.

Welcome home and Happy birthday!

A birthday wish for papa.

Also in April we closed on our first home! Everything went well and it seemed that we started working on the place the next day. May and June were filled with house work. I wish I had taken more before photos, but hey I'm pregnant and busy.

517 Sand creek Drive!

The work started right away.
New doors
New paint
Demo the kitchen and bathroom.

Jake and his brother and dad did all the tile flooring in the home.

A look into the dining room.

JULY 2011

Finally after a month and 1/2 of NO water and NO bathroom it was Installed. Oh and NO kitchen. We had the goal of finishing everything by Nash's 2nd birthday and we did!!! Thanks to a LOT of help from family and friends we feel like this place is finally a home!

And now we are entering August with so many plans that I will post about at a later date... Maybe 5 months down the road this time.

A graceful reminder...

2010-12-12T07:39:00.000-08:00

I never cease to be amazed at the things I am reminded of when i take the time to listen. It doesn't happen often, listening that is. I find it hard to sit still with nothing on to entertain my mind. But I am beginning to remember the beauty in stillness. Maybe the two feet of snow this morning reminded me that all creation can be stilled by beauty. That all of creation can be blanketed by the dazzling abundance of Grace. Its in these moments where little worries occupy my mind. Where I find my soul content. Where for a brief moment I know what Peace truly feels like.

I am thankful for these moments.

It is so easy for me to become a chameleon. I have the ability to adapt to my surroundings or those surrounding me. But for me it has mostly been a battle. This ability could be considered good and useful, but I have yet mastered it. For now I find my self conforming, forgetting what life is truly about. I seek success, financial wealth, recognition, pleasure, and abundance. I feel shame for not doing as the world does. But there is HOPE. In moments like this morning I am once again brought to my knees with Grace and Mercy. The following Passage from The Message reminds me of the Truth. The life that I am called to live and excited to strive for. Perhaps it will help us all remember what our souls are searching for...

1 Whoever is a slave must make the best of it, giving respect to his master so that outsiders don't blame God and our teaching for his behavior. 2 Slaves with Christian masters all the more so - their masters are really their beloved brothers! 3 If you have leaders there who teach otherwise, who refuse the solid words of our Master Jesus and this godly instruction, 4 tag them for what they are: ignorant windbags who infect the air with germs of envy, controversy, bad-mouthing, suspicious rumors. 5 Eventually there's an epidemic of backstabbing, and truth is but a distant memory. They think religion is a way to make a fast buck. 6 A devout life does bring wealth, but it's the rich simplicity of being yourself before God. 7 Since we entered the world penniless and will leave it penniless, 8 if we have bread on the table and shoes on our feet, that's enough. 9 But if it's only money these leaders are after, they'll self-destruct in no time. 10 Lust for money brings trouble and nothing but trouble. Going down that path, some lose their footing in the faith completely and live to regret it bitterly ever after. 11 But you, Timothy, man of God: Run for your life from all this. Pursue a righteous life - a life of wonder, faith, love, steadiness, courtesy. 12 Run hard and fast in the faith. Seize the eternal life, the life you were called to, the life you so fervently embraced in the presence of so many witnesses. 13 I'm charging you before the life-giving God and before Christ, who took his stand before Pontius Pilate and didn't give an inch: 14 Keep this command to the letter, and don't slack off. Our Master, Jesus Christ, is on his way. 15 He'll show up right on time, his arrival guaranteed by the Blessed and Undisputed Ruler, High King, High God. 16 He's the only one death can't touch, his light so bright no one can get close. He's never been seen by human eyes - human eyes can't take him in! Honor to him, and eternal rule! Oh, yes. 17 Tell those rich in this world's wealth to quit being so full of themselves and so obsessed with money, which is here today and gone tomorrow. Tell them to go after God, who piles on all the riches we could ever manage - 18 to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous. 19 If they do that, they'll build a treasury that will last, gaining life that is truly life. 20And oh, my dear Timothy, guard the treasure you were given! Guard it with your life. Avoid the talk-show religion and the practiced confusion of the so-called experts. 21 People caught up in a lot of talk can miss the whole point of faith. Overwhelming grace keep you!

A holiday compilation...

2010-12-03T10:01:00.000-08:00

It sure has been awhile from the last update. ( I believe I start many blogs with that saying)
Jake and I left for the second trip of the season, this time to Birmingham AL. The drive went wonderfully, we all stayed safe and enjoyed our tight fit in the truck. I was given a few great gifts on the drive, and would love to share them with you.

The first gift I received was the realization that I have become content with my surroundings. I live in a nice apartment, have electricity, running water, Free heat, and food on my table. Now I am not ashamed of those things, but I am saddened that I have forgotten to be thankful for those things. How easy it is to just want more , to believe that I have the right to more. To become more comfortable, and to gain more so my life will become easier. How easily I fall into the trap of consumerism.
While driving to Alabama I was slapped in the face with my disillusion of how our world is. Living in the comforts of Golden Valley, I slowly start to see the world as what I see around me. Boy am I wrong. There is so much poverty around. There is so much we can do. I felt awakened to the realities of life. It made me realize how much I focus on myself. What a battle it is to look out and not just see your own reflection staring back at you, but see humanity and the gifts we have to offer.
I feel like Christmas time has become such a blur in my eyes, it comes and goes and it seems that all that's worried about is what to give and what to get. It truly is a struggle for me, my love language is Gifts, so giving and receiving is a way of showing Love. Although I know there are ways to receive and give selfLESSly. This season I tried to find gifts that I could receive and give that would benefit others. My desire this holiday season is to reflect on the blessings I have and to not desire those things I do not need. May the Lord help me stay focused on His abundance of Love and Mercy.

The second gift I was given on the journey was when we stopped in Cairo Illinois. Jake had to deliver paint for the summer and as we drove through this town I was amazed. Most of it is run down and I mean run down. Buildings half there, streets abandoned, homes hanging on by just a thread, but I felt beauty that is unexplainable. God had delivered us through this town to receive a message, from a young women named Heather. She has been living there for the last 6 years doing full time missions work. Their main work is through intercession prayer. After hearing her story we had a chance to share ours and the words she gave us were beautiful.
"God does not want you to be confused, He wants to bless you and shine upon you. He will lead you on whatever path you have chosen. He does not want you to feel guilt, only love."
Thank you Heather for sharing the Lords heart. We really needed to hear those words at that moment. May we let them sink in and become real in our hearts.

Here are a few unconventional gifts to give... (just click and it will take you there)
CLEAN water in Africa
Give a cow???
Sponsor a child
Missions in Mexico

An update in photos...

2010-10-13T12:42:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile from my last post, so I figured why not post today. As I drove to pick Jake up from work yesterday on 36th Ave S, I was reminded of my love for Fall. I am sure there are more beautiful streets to drive down, but at that moment I was surrounded by beautifully colored trees of amber and orange, red and yellow glimmering brightly in the afternoon sun and I couldn't imagine anywhere more amazing. Then I realized that soon fall would come to an end and quickly prayed that God would give me something about Winter that I could love.

Anyways... I wanted to post a few photos to show what the Ladd family has been up to.

Family photo after a day of fun!

Jake and I went to see Wicked. It was amazing!!

Nash riding his tractor at Grandma and Grandpa Ladds.

I was able to watch Nolan for a day, they had some good times.

We went for a burley ride to the park. I love the look Nash is giving here.

Riding the Bee.

Nash Loves naked rocking... Not sure who he learned that from??

He also loves to see what small spaces he can fit into.

We spent an evening at MOA with the Ladds.

Nash with his cousins, Micah, Ashley, and Emily. Oh and Dora and Diego.

On the way home. You can really see his black eye here. Now that he walks, he also has pretty nashty falls.

Thank God

2010-09-10T21:10:00.000-07:00

It has been a while from my last posting. Jake, Nash and I moved into our new apartment and are still getting settled in. Somewhere between moving in and today I have realized that I have become a not so desirable person. My attitude resembles that of a "debbie downer", I am easily angered and less then a patient wife and mother. So I have had to take a good hard look at myself in the mirror and find out what the heck is going on.

I have not devoted any of my time to growth, to challenges, and to gaining of wisdom. I am merely a girl holding on by a string, living just to get by. I know that through my lifetime I have had these moments, but for some reason this time it seems even more painful. I believe that I am better then this moment, that I have faith, hope and experiences that should have kept me from this. That even though things may seem tough I could have persevered, taken the high road, or at least stayed focused on God. Yet I fell apart, became a spirit filled with bitterness and frustration.
So...

Thank GOD, for never leaving me when I left him. Thank God, for showing up in my everyday even when I ignored His presence. Thank God for the memories of those who helped mold me into a better person. Thank God, for redoes. Thank God, for giving me a husband who sees beyond my darkness. Thank God.

"Don't worry about a thing..."

2010-07-16T11:18:00.000-07:00

Jake and I started the moving process today, and it was pretty exciting. Yet there was a part of me that felt unsure. I feel that this choice has brought me to a place where I must learn to trust in and on God. Jake and I have not lived alone together for 3 years. So this is a big deal for us, to have a chance to be a little family again. Although I am excited, there is a part of my that worries. I worry about the loss of community, the ability to afford living on our own, how we will connect being just us. Then I am reminded that I must always remember that God is in control. That He cares about what I feel and am going through. My thoughts must always be directed to Him first. Then when I begin to loose faith I hear God whispering this sweet melody...

Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright.

July 16th... a helpful reminder

where did the time go?

2010-07-12T07:01:00.000-07:00

On July 7th 2010 Nash Ladd turned 1. I could hardly believe how fast the one year mark came rolling around. It truly is amazing to look back and see how far Nash has come. He reminds me daily that there is beauty in the world. Every moment he surprises me with a new skill or word I hadn't seen or heard before. I am filled with LOVE for my family. I am so thankful God has given me this opportunity to learn and be humbled by life. Thank you Lord for trusting me, may I always look for guidance and peace with Nash.

Here are a few shots from July 9th, when Jake and I took Nash to the park to celebrate one year of life.

On the search...

2010-06-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

Well I am on the search... for a job that is, and after reading this Yahoo headline I might have a tough time.

Out-of-work job applicants told unemployed need not apply!

So I am a bit confused, should I add the last year of being a stay at home mom to my resume? Then I don't look like a lazy bum who just sits on the couch all day and looks for jobs. Oh boy irony setting in as I find myself sitting on the couch. Anyways, hopefully the job search yields something fruitful. If you have any leads feel free to pass them this way.

peace*

I need a reminder...

2010-06-09T10:19:00.000-07:00

Today I need a reminder that I am not here for anything other then to serve a King.

A year and then some...

2010-06-08T19:36:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe that Jake, Nash and I have lived here for over a year. We have never lived anywhere for more then a year, for some reason we always find ourselves in a new adventure when the year mark comes rolling around and then we are off. This year was different, it was a new kind of adventure. We had a child and with that came a whole new world. I believe that we have been truly blessed to have Nash grow and be nurtured in a home filled with so many loving individuals. I wonder if this experience will be something he can recall at a later point in his life, or perhaps it will just be a memory his mom and papa talk about as the 'good old days'?
I am so amazed at all the things I have learned while living within this community. I am grateful for the person that this journey has helped me become. Hopefully I can continue to grow and develop into a character who is living a good story. So now that a year and then some has come and gone, and circumstances have begun to change, we must once again start our next adventure. Start the next part of our story.
To feel at peace with where God has us is so beautiful, that peace may last for a moment, or maybe even a year and who knows it could last a lifetime. For right now I feel that peace, but in my soul that is not the same as being content.
I know that I was created for more. I can have a better story... now making that story happen is another thing entirely.

just and old photo i love....

a beautiful reminder...

2010-05-26T13:22:00.000-07:00

So this post is a tad late, but it is something I am reminded of every spring and just wanted to share it with you. As many of you know I HATE the winter and when spring time rolls around I am more the excited to experience what is has to offer. One of the greatest things for me about spring is the Blossoms. I am constantly reminded of God the creator when I see the beauty spring up from the soil and from the trees. I am reminded that through death there is life. That I like the trees may go through a time of death, of hardship, retreat and turn brown, but once again the Lord my God will renew my spirit and I will be full of life and once again... blossom.

It's a moms world...

2010-05-10T10:50:00.000-07:00

I had a great mothers day yesterday. I was able to sleep in a bit, have a delicious breakfast made by my husband and son, and enjoyed an early afternoon bike ride. It was a restful day but like always a day still filled with movement. We were able to visit both sets of Jakes grandparents on our way to see Jeff and Carol (Jake's parents). It is always good to spend time visiting. We were blessed with great fellowship a wonderful meal and as always some good old family entertainment.
Mother's day turned out to be pretty darn good.

a touch of sports...

2010-05-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

Well I came across a great website today as I was trying to type in my blogger account. Life the old and perhaps still published magazine came up and I loved it. I have always enjoyed the art of photography and here is a magazine along with National Geographic that showcases some great work. After about 20 minutes of looking at photos and reading the captions of the latest world news one caught my attention. One that normally wouldn't catch mine, but would for sure catch my husbands.

Now let me explain why my eyes were drawn to this photo. first of all Steve Nash is in the photo and come on not much of an explanation needed here. Secondly I have been hearing a lot about this decision in Arizona about illegal immigration. I must start my opinion by saying this, I am very uneducated about this situation and perhaps should say nothing at all, but there is something that drives me to feel something great and it must be shared.

"Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless or the fatherless, the alien or the poor, in your hearts do not think evil of each other." Zechariah 7:10

This is not an easy thing to do and for my it is easy to feel that i have the right to something simply because I was born into it. Why is that? Why do I feel that I am great then someone? This applies to every moment of my day. I must become less so He may become more. God sees us ALL as equal, why do we not teat each other that way?

Because we to need jobs, money, security? What are we afraid of? What am I afraid of?

^34-36"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation. And here's why:

   I was hungry and you fed me,
   I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
   I was homeless and you gave me a room,
   I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
   I was sick and you stopped to visit,
   I was in prison and you came to me.'
^37-40"Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.'
^41-43"Then he will turn to the 'goats,' the ones on his left, and say, 'Get out, worthless goats! You're good for nothing but the fires of hell. And why? Because—

   I was hungry and you gave me no meal,
   I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,
   I was homeless and you gave me no bed,
   I was shivering and you gave me no clothes,
   Sick and in prison, and you never visited.'
⁴⁴"Then those 'goats' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn't help?'
⁴⁵"He will answer them, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me.'

Then thirdly I can not help to think of my beautiful baby boy Nash when I see this photo. My heart is filled with love and excitement for him. I thank God for letting me have this time to raise him and watch him grow. I thank him for allowing me to be taught so many lessons through such a tiny human. Oh the Lord is good and may I forever remember that.

It's Burleyutiful out....

2010-05-06T15:12:00.000-07:00

Because this year I am a bona-fide mother I was given something I really wanted, not that I didn't want that used computer from Youthworks my husband got such a great deal on last year and it just so happened to be mothers day so how could he pass it up. This year my husband gave me and Nash a Burley. Now you may not know what this is and to be honest I really had never heard of one until about 6 months ago. A Burley is a bike trailer that children can ride in or if you have pets that are not petrified of anything and everything like Emery they to can be transported behind your bike in comfort and style and lets not forget durability.
So far Nash and I have been able to take two beautiful rides together and be in God's creation. I am truly hoping that this allows us to get out more and be active while leaving our car behind. Stay turned for photos of our and adventures with the Burley.

Peace*

Oh my soul...

2010-04-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

Oh my soul is awakened by the sun.

I can not believe how beautiful it is outside. I love to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin and breeze blow through my hair. Every spring I have a new appreciation for creation and for the beauty of our creator. I am excited for the summer and to spend as much time outside as I can, for I know once again winter will come and the thought of being outside will send chills down my spine. I will be grateful for the moments I have.

Nash is getting so big. He is 9 1/2 months old. He can crawl when he wants to, but I think he would much rather stand. It wont be to long before he is walking. I am a little scared about that. A mobile child is much different, no more turning my back for even a second. He has become a little bundle of personality. He loves when people look and him, and enjoys getting his photo taken. He still has Empathy just like his Papa and I can tell he is still pretty bashful around the ladies. No teeth yet and no words either. No rush, he will grow up in due time. Here are a few photos of the past few weeks:

T minus 3 days...

2010-03-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

and counting.

I can hardly believe that I have almost been here for 2 weeks. Time sure does fly. This has been a great trip for me. i have been able to work at the coffee shop and spend time with the Matthews. Being here, if only for two weeks has once again ignited my heart for this place. I really do love it here, it may be hard and frustrating at times, but there is such love here. Nash and I have been welcomed with sincere hearts and cared for with compassion. My only wish is that Jake would have been able to join us on our journey. He has to work I understand, but my life is not the same without him near me. I love him.
Off subject sorry.

Anyways I sure am glad God brought me back here again, even if only for a short while.

It's a farming world...

2010-03-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been a good break from the busyness of life. Here on the Rez everything tends to happen and a much slower pace, well everything other then the driving. There are some crazy drivers out here, but where are there not? Anyways. Nash and I have spent much of our time playing with Leon and Belva's 3 niece's and 1 nephew. Nash just loves them. They love him as well. I have been able to reconnect with some of my dear friends out here and spend some much needed time at Higher Ground (the coffee shop). It has been a little tough traveling with Nash, he has been taken out of his element and now his schedule is way out of whack. It has been leaving me one tired mom during the day. Thank God for helpful kids around here who love Nash. Today was a fun and refreshing day. It started with church at The Gospel Fellowship, which I always enjoy. It truly is a great church family. Then on to a visit to the cohen home (the local elderly housing). After leaving there I felt an urge to go horse back riding and happened to say this out loud. Belva mentioned she knew just the place, so we were off. We packed Nash, Kasey, and Kylah in the car and headed for "the Ranch". It was wonderful. To be in the open, to feel the soil beneath my boots and smell the fresh air was revitalizing. Thank you God for your creation.
Nash had an amazing first farm experience. Horses, cows, cats oh my. Here are a few photos of the trip so far. As great as it has been. We are excited to see Jake again. We miss him and feel incomplete with out him.

Peace.

let the vacation begin...

2010-03-18T19:55:00.000-07:00

Nash and I made it safe and sound. We started pretty early, well not that early in the morning around 7 am. Our friend "auntie Hope" brought us to the airport and THANKFULLY helped me carry in 1 large suitcase, a car seat, stroller, 2 carry-ons a jacket and Nash. The whole time walking up to the check in I was thinking.. 'what did I get myself into?' Luckily Nash was able to get on the plane after a slight scare late tuesday night realizing he doesn't have a birth certificate. Why no birth certificate?Long story! Anyways Once we checked in, passed through security with some help from the security officer lady saying to her coworker, 'help this lady she's alone doing this by herself.' Thanks rub it in why don't you.. then I thought hey I will take all the help I can get, this stuff in HEAVY!

Our first flight and Nash's REAL first flight was from Minneapolis to Denver. We were lucky to have an open seat right next to us, which I quickly took over with baby crap. The gentlemen next to us was wonderful, he made sure the air vent wasn't blowing on the baby, but selfishly I enjoyed the cool breeze after working up a sweat carry everything. Nash feel asleep for a good hour then the last hour we played with whatever we could find to keep his interest. The Styrofoam cup, bad for the environment but great airplane toy came in handy.

Once we landed in Denver we were at gate 54. Our next flight from Rapid was due to depart from gate 58. Praise the Lord. I was carrying two HEAVY bags, pushing nash in a tiny stroller and doing everything I could to keep him from crying. Once we got to our gate, I unloaded. sat down and not even a minute later the man came on the loud speaker say 'I am sorry but the flight to Rapid has been moved to gate 98, we thought you all could use a little more cardio.'

You have got to be kidding me. So I got up repacked, and got ready for the cross country hike. Once we arrived I sat down again relieved to have arrived in one piece. Then to our luck. I heard the same thing again only this time to gate 86. Oh dear. In the end we made it. Got on the plane and Nash fell asleep the moment after take off and slept the entire flight even through the landing.

And now we are here. Enjoying our stay. Nash Loves sleeping in his PeaPod. They are tents for babies and much easier to carry around then a pack'n Play. More update on our trip will come I am sure.

Peace.

a few thoughts from a searching soul...

2010-03-15T14:38:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking and reading and listening a lot recently about the word and the meaning of Church. In the past few years I have began to feel a discontent with the American Church, unsure of my reasonings I have started to search where and why this discontent lays heavy on my soul.

Let me start by saying, there is none on the face of this earth who has or is doing everything perfect. We live in a fallen world, but with that being said we are to strive for perfection.
2nd Corinthians 13:11 "Finally, brothers, good-by, Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you."

(this blog may be a little scatter brained, sorry)

I have decided to do a self study of the book of Acts, so far I have so many questions. Here is the passage that I have been focusing on and trying to figure out how this looks today, and why does it have to look different then it did then?

Acts 2:42-47
"they devoted themselves to the apostles teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts, they broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts. praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."

After reading this passage I tried to find a few podcasts talking about the idea of community centered church. I found one that really began to help refocus me thoughts on Christianity today. It was a podcast delivered by Shane Claiborne called Resurrecting Church; The mark of God's kingdom on earth.
I felt humbled by the ideas of how we can implement Acts 2 in our lives today. I would love to hear what others think on these ideas of church, what should it look like? I do not want to focus on the negatives and what the church is doing wrong, but focus on how it can be better. How can we as individuals implement change?

Here are a few links to a few GREAT podcasts that I would encourage you to take the time and listen to.
Shane Claiborne: Resurrecting Church: UYWI 2008
Rob Bell; The human heart is a mystery.

From Hate to Love???

2010-03-08T13:32:00.000-08:00

I hate to run, but as long as a part of me hates it, I know there is a part of me who could LOVE it.

Or I should just keep telling myself that. For some strange reason I have decided to take part in an imaginary 5K happening in 9 weeks. For all of you who know me even a little bit know that I DO NOT run. I used to fake side-aches, asthma attacks, amputation, fainting anything to get me out of running the 2 mile in High school. I can remember coming in Last... always, but not really caring, cause well I had a serious ailment...
Now in the age of the biggest loser and being able to sit on my couch and watch 245 pound people run marathons, I figure I should be able to run a 5K, right?

Lets HOPE!

I have a feeling this will be an interesting adventure. Hopefully it doesn't end up like my 30 day blog challenge. We all know how that went. But on the positive side, it got me blogging so hopefully this will get me running. If anyone feels like joining me on this adventure let me know. The imaginary 5K will be held in early May. I would love to run with friends... family and even strangers. Lets get off our rears and get in gear.

Oh how motivational did that sound? We can do it.

Left or Right...

2010-03-06T09:45:00.000-08:00

Here is a great prayer I was given once and now I am at a loss for who wrote it. Help me out if you know.

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships

So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people

So that you may work for justice, freedom

and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,

So that you may reach out your hand

to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness

to believe that you can make a difference in the world,

So that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

To bring justice and kindness

to all our children and the poor.

Amen

Right now Jake and I are going through a time of contemplation, do we make a left or a right? We have come to a fork in the road. Something is pulling our spirits and we are unsure how to answer that pull. Some might be aware of the struggle I speak of, others wondering what the heck I am talking about. Well here it is... Pine Ridge! Surprise, surprise... Right? That place is always in the back of our minds, sometimes the main thing on our minds. There is not a day that goes by when it doesn't come into my consciousness in some form. We have a great life here in Minneapolis. Wonderful family and friends only miles or steps away, but there is a still small voice inside calling us to something different. The risk would be large, but if this voice is God, would the reward not be worth it?

"Wake up from your sleep,

Climb out of your coffins;

Christ will show you the light"

May the Lord our God, make his way known to us.

Awake my soul...

2010-03-03T08:11:00.000-08:00

This post comes from a soul struggling to become humble. With that being said, please continue to read with compassion and grace and most of all forgiveness for things said and unsaid.

I have been granted the honor to be a part of such great conversations in the past few weeks. I hadn't really noticed how much I had missed intimate connection between friends until I was given a taste of it again. Yet I know there is so much more to be had. God has created us to have intimate fellowship with others, not just small talk, but real talk. To divulge our joys, moments of splendor our sorrows, struggles, regrets, and frustrations, to unleash our true souls to each other and be embraced with love. What is it that keeps this from happening? Sure there are the easy excuses:

We are just different people now.
We are going in different directions in life.
I just don't think they will understand.
I am to busy.
I forgot to call.
... and the list goes on and on.

Guilty am I who types on this blog of all the stated excuses above, but I am looking at everything all wrong. You my friend, we have the deepest connection, one that will endure forever. We are intertwined by something great. My friend, we share the same creator. From the dust we were given life. We inhabit the same earth, and our lungs are filled with the same air that gives life to all. What more do we need to connect?
I may be shorter then you, paler, or blue eyed instead of brown, but deep down our hearts beat the same, our blood is the same shade. We are the same. We are made to connect.

What is holding us back?

eeK..

2010-02-25T07:24:00.000-08:00

A MOUSE!

well not just a mouse, mice. Now we not only live with 4 other adults a baby and a dog, but a house full of MICE.
The worst part is its not just our townhouse that has them, they all do. So even if we fight the good fight we can't make others fight it as hard. So far we have killed 5 mice. Zach and Hope took the life of the first mouse. Killing it with a frying pan, just like you would see in the cartoons. Emery, thats right Emery he killed the second one, but now were not to sure if he just thought it was a toy and had no idea it was a living creature. The next 3 were all killed by a trap. We did have a near catch last night. Oh it was so close. Dave and Jake almost had the little bugger until it ran between Jakes feet and right under Zach and Hopes bedroom door (sorry guys).
Needless to say, sleep has not been easy to come by. At night you can hear them running through the walls, scratching on things and all you can do is pray that they choose to NOT climb on your face in the middle of the night.

If you would like a visual of what it is like at our home check this video out....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JH4EFgRB4bU

ok so not the same, but close.
Hopefully this battle will end soon with us being the winners!

With just one look...

2010-02-16T19:57:00.000-08:00

Last night Jake and I took sometime to have a little photo shoot with Nash. I think he enjoyed himself. I thought I would share some of the photos with you all.
I can hardly believe that he is 7 1/2 months old. He amazes me everyday with how much he changes. Oh update on the sleeping news...
Last night was the first night of No wrap and no night time feed. After about 20 minutes of crying he finally fell asleep. Then around 1am he awoke and CRIED for 35 minutes. It was so hard to not get up and run to his rescue. All i could think of was the final episode of Mad About You, when they sit out side their baby girls door listening to her cry trying to decide if they should give in and help. I/we stayed strong, after making Jake wake up and listen with me for moral support. Then he quieted down and fell fast asleep until 9am. WOW!!!
All day he took naps without being wrapped and not needing to be rocked to sleep. I pray that it continues this way. It is just so hard to listen to babies cry.

anyways here are the photos. Just thought I would update everyone.

Peace*

hijacked...

2010-02-15T09:12:00.000-08:00

Lets say day 16...

Last night as I prepared for bed, I decided to check my email. Well check one of my many email addresses. I noticed that I had a bunch of responses to emails I had never sent.... 'oh crap, i've been hacked.' was the first thought that went through my mind. Then the second thought was what in the world was send to all my friends, family, and past coworkers? Well I am pretty sure it was a link to some sort of viagra. Needless to say I did not send this link to you. Sorry if you opened it. I sure hope nothing happens to you.
I am just left wondering, 'how did this happen to me?' I don't believe I ever clicked on any Viagra ads...

Well... I guess we will just wait and see what happens. those sneaky hackers good on ya for crack'n my code.

peace.

Can butter mold?

2010-02-13T17:01:00.000-08:00

Day.... who the heck knows.

I love long weekends. I love having Jake home with Nash and I. This weekend is going to be a little tough. We are trying to get Nash to sleep with no wrap at night and stop waking up for feedings. Needless to say there are lots of tear shed throughout the night. So a restful weekend has become a time of challenge and a test of wills.

WE CAN DO IT NASH!

Stay positive right? Well thats what I hear is good to do.
So for the ever so popular Love holiday jake gave me a new battery charger for my small camera. I am very excited, I have not been able to use it for about a year. So be prepared for new photos.

Can butter go moldy? Jake just asked me, so I thought I would ask you. I have no idea. Anyways. a short, but truthful look into my day.

peace*

black and white

2010-02-07T19:00:00.000-08:00

Day 15

I have always loved black and white photography and would love to spend more time educating myself on the art of it. I though i would post a few photos that I really enjoy. I did NOT take these, tho I wish I had.

Sucking in...

2010-02-06T17:38:00.000-08:00

Day 14

I thought that this post should be a little bit more light hearted, but then again I feel a war going on inside of me, so I must write about those things. There will be a time for light heartedness and when that day comes I will be sure to let you know.

In this post I want to touch on a few things... First, my sister commented on my last post about becoming more simple. Here is a little deeper explanation to that. I want to start by saying I feel called to live my life this way, please feel in no way the things I am about to say are a judgment upon you or the way anyone else is living. This is simply how I feel and feel called to live. I am accountable for my life and my life alone.
Jake and I are EXTREMELY fortunate. We have everything we need to survive. We have each other, we have Nash, we have love, food and a great support system. Most of all we have a God who has and would do anything for US. What more could we ask for?
Well, apparently A LOT.
I catch myself saying 'I NEED ____ .' all the time. Then I try to make myself feel a little better by changing the words and saying 'I would really like___.' but does that make it any better? When, and if ever will I become content? Ok I am getting a little of track.
The reason we are choosing to sell our things is two fold.
1. We have realized these items have become tools to waste our time here on earth. Sure we can argue good reasons to keep all of them, but in the long run are they making us better, more loving, compassionate, selfless individuals?
2. To live simply to me, does not involve excess of 'things'. To have things we can live without and feel no spiritual pull to keep, then well why keep them? Why hoard, when the money we spend buying these items could be used for a much better purpose.

OK I hope that was a little better explanation...

Now to the second half of the post... stay with me will you?

This part piggybacks off a post a few days ago about 'My story'. I try really hard to fit into the life I have here. I try to feel a part of what's going on. I put on a mask of loving it here (well not so much right now in the middle of the winter). Here is a little analogy for you all.
Minnesota for me is like my favorite pair of old jeans. I bought them freshman year of college and wore them everywhere. Those jeans tattered at the bottom, holes in the knees have seen the best and worst that Minnesota can offer. They have sat on many different family coaches and friends living room floors. The jeans began to feel soft and smooth from the love they received. Holes started to appear in the back pockets from who knows what and belt loops ripped right off from being pulled up over the hip bones. Then came the day when they were unwearable, to the old clothes, to important to throw away bin they went. I moved on from them, to new jeans not the same but new ones. I traveled, met new friends and made a new story. Then as it would be, life brought be back and I had to dig through the old bin and put those old jeans back on, as all the old memories ran through my mind I became excited. I slipped one leg in at a time, grabbed the waistband, and slid them up, then it happened. I had to suck in. I had to hold my breath to zip them up and the button hardly pushed through the hole.
They were on.
Not the same, not even close. Uncomfortable, stiff, tight and hard to breath and move in.
I am forced to wear them. To live in them, walk in them.
I am still sucking in.
When will I be able to let it out and breath again?

becoming more simple...

2010-02-04T21:04:00.000-08:00

Day 13... well sort of...

As you can see I have fallen behind on my own 30 day challenge. I will not let this get me down. I will still continue to do my best at blogging on a daily basis, but it might be a little more spaced out.

So the other day on a car ride home, from I can't really remember jake started talking to me about simplifying our lives even more and getting rid of the 'time wasters' we have. At first I wasn't sure what it was he was talking about, but as he explained it all started to become a reality to me. Jake and I have always talked about living a simpler life, with less material things, but its hard. For some reason we seem to be able to talk the talk better then walk it. So here now we have decided to take, hopefully with a better outcome then my blogging challenge a 30 day get rid of our time wasters challenge. It is our time to Get simple. Wish us luck and keep us accountable.

p.s if you know anyone interested in a Tv, Xbox, Video camera or computer just let us know...

Who reads anyways...

2010-02-01T19:43:00.000-08:00

Day 12

Today happened to be one of my better days. I was able to relax, spend time alone and as always drink some wonderful coffee. It also happened to be our friend Marks birthday so in celebration of his birth we went to Maxwells for an early happy hour, cause well... were old. It was good to sit in fellowship, eat a burger and laugh. Now I am sitting at home watching my husband play Xbox while our friend Drew studies for a test, and I blog while waiting for my freshly painted canvas to dry.

Growing up I hated reading. I can not recall a single book successfully completed before I hit college. Even being in Awana while I was younger I hated reading the memory books, and trying to memorize scripture. My group leader used to give all the girls in my group candy if I would have memorized one, lets just say that never really happened. I don't know why I hated reading so much. My mom loved it and so did my sister, for me it was a form of torture. Until recently I would have never chose to read a book out of sheer pleasure. Then who the heck knows what happened, boredom, maturity, or perhaps divine intervention? I started enjoying reading, and enjoying it a lot. For the most part I have read non-fiction and been able to get a lot out of them, but that can get a little overwhelming. So now I am on the kick of reading Fictional books. I love being able to loose myself for awhile with characters that live lives totally different then mine, and seeing where thats going to get them. I hope I keep up with this enjoyment of reading and thanks to my friend Jackie it has been a little bit more possible. (she keeps giving me good books.) I have decided to show you a few of my latest and most favorite reads.

"But you don't have to take my word for it."

your story...

2010-01-31T21:12:00.000-08:00

Day 11

Let me start by saying this... I know, I know, I missed a day. I am sorry for that. I don't know where the day went. All of a sudden I looked at the clock and it was 11:59pm. Jake assured me that it would be OK, he said to tell everyone that I don't believe in blogging on the sabbath. I agreed and said 'great idea babe.' A few minutes later I realized it was saturday... so in honor of my Seventh Day Adventist Friends I decided to take the day off from blogging yesterday.
Let us resume.

Jake is reading the latest Donald Miller book, A million miles in a thousand years, and tonight while I was contemplating writing about plastic bags he interrupted me with a little insight. He read as follows...

"And once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can't go back to being normal: you can't go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time."
...
...

"the main way we learn story is not through movies or books: its through each other. You become like the people you interact with. and if your friends are living boring stories you probably will to. We teach our children good or bad stories, what is worth living for and what is worth dying for, what is worth pursuing, and the dignity in which a character engages his own narrative."

I am blessed to have great people in my life. Friends who desire to live a life of passion, and family who understand how to love. I am living a story, my family is living a story. We will not settle. We will seek out our story.

Alone... well sort of...

2010-01-29T20:07:00.000-08:00

Day 10

A moment to be proud... I made it to day 10!

10pm on a friday night and I am sitting in an empty house. OK not really empty. Nash is sleeping and Emery is snoring away next to me, but I am the only adult in the house. This does not happen very often with 6 grownups living under one roof. I don't mind being alone. Time to relax and do whatever I want for a little while, but I also love it when my roommates get home. I don't believe that I could ever live on my own. I was created to be with people, more then just being by myself. I enjoy great conversation and just feeling the presence of others around me. Perhaps thats one reason why I LOVE living in community.
I am blessed to have interesting people to talk to on a daily basis and gain insight from their wisdom.

well not alone anymore, Jake just came home from celebrating his dads birthday at the Wolves game. They were able to sit right behind the bench... I am sure jake LOVED that.

I am looking forward to this weekend to have time to relax with my family and spend more time focusing on my soul. I feel like my mind is a little all over the place tonight and i am sorry for the discombobulation of this blog.

peace...

deep with in...

2010-01-28T16:44:00.000-08:00

Day 9

A few weeks back my roommate Dave was showing me this interesting thing on the this here internet, where you can put in a website and it will take common words that you use and make a collage. I decided to try it out for this blog. It is always interesting to see what you talk about.

Right now I am sitting in my living room, enjoying a wonderful cup of coffee and and smelling freshly burnt sage, which instantly brings me right back to the Rez. Today was a pretty ordinary day. Wake, eat, feed Nash, take a nap run some errands and come back home, but wait there's more. Today I did something I have never done before. I made a Carol Ladd specialty 'sweet fish'. Thats right fried fish, all on my own, and surprisingly enough it turned out. No grease fires, no smoke alarms set off, just some good old fashion sweet fish in the end. So I guess my day wasn't as normal as I thought. Let me end with this...

I am a blessed individual. I have been created in the image of my savior. No one can take away His uniqueness placed deep within my soul. I will belong to my God, always.

A breath of humid air...

2010-01-27T21:28:00.000-08:00

Day 8

Today I had a well needed brake from the cold, I mean the FREEZING cold. What happened to the 30 degree days anyways? Nash and I were able to join Lea and her friend Becky to the Como Zoo conservatory. It was beautiful. I have been there before, but mostly in the summer. Going in the winter is a whole new experience. I felt like it was the first time I had been there all over again. Walking through the doors and feeling my pores soke in the humidity and my hands begin to feel healed from all the moisture was simply breathtaking. Not to mention all the amazing plants. We were able to see banana trees, Pinapple plants/trees whatever they are, coffee plants, everything so green and lush. Oh I could just live there.
I was a soul rejuvenating afternoon.

A Devine thought...

2010-01-26T13:28:00.000-08:00

Day 8

A while back Jake and I were given tickets by our friend Greta to the Get up Kids concert. It was a pretty great show. While we were there to see them one of the openers was Kevin Devine. I had never heard of him and neither had Jake. After hearing his set and really enjoying his music and lyrics we decided to invest in his CD. I am so grateful that we did. This id one album that I would highly recommend. The reason that I choose to write about this today is that for some reason music has the ability Christian or Non Christian to open my eyes to the truth and beauty of God. I know there are some that would disagree with me and say and believers we should listen to Christian music, but I would have to politely disagree with you. There have been times that I have been moved to my knees in adoration of my savior by music that would never be found in a "christian" book store. Does that make it any less beautiful to God? Doesn't he delight in all that His children do? Anyways... I would love to hear your thoughts.

Another bag of bones, Kevin Devine

It's a brushfire spreading, feeding as it moves

It's a disappeared glacier; it's the airborne flu

It's your disbelieving eyes logging concrete miles

It's your yawning conscience and your lawyer's smile

It's an occupied country foaming at the mouth

No smoking gun, no mushroom cloud

It's a military mother with a boy in hell

And it's a flag-draped casket down an oil well

It's an Argentine school-girl gagged and bound

It's a torture camp; it's a long way down

It's the constant bracing shock of now

And it's the whole damn world turned inside out, alright

It's a march to extinction with your god in step

It's his name in your mouth; it's his cross on your neck

It's a farm boy sprinting over desert dirt

And he's panting the 'Our Father' in staccato spurts

Now that's his automatic rifle and it tells no lies

It's his truth in your stomach, it's no alibi

But the trouble lies on the other side

With an equal truth prepping for his holy night

He sees the crescent and the star blink in the virgin sky

And hears the call of milk and honey from the afterlife

And as he eases to the checkpoint, he is calm and sure

It's collateral damage; it's the cost of war

It's another bag of bones for the Gods to sort

It's just another bag of bones for the Gods to sort

Well it's a species disappearing, all the birds fly south

In a January heat-wave, in a pulsing crowd

It's an African Militia, kids with sub-machines

It's a conflict diamond on your bride-to-be

It's the dispossessed lining up at every gate

It's the facts worth facing, faced way too late

It's the mission of modernity, go get what's yours

Till there's nothing leftover to go get no more

And it's not what we're owed, but it's what we've earned

And it's closer than we realize, and it's time now to burn

And oh it's time now to burn

And oh it's time now to burn, to burn

and interesting stretch...

2010-01-25T21:19:00.000-08:00

Day 7

Today was Monday and I tend to not be a fan of Mondays. Jake goes back to work, another week to be home (kind of) alone and just waiting for the next weekend to arrive. Today I was able to try something new.

For my birthday I was given by my roommates Dave and Lea a 30 day pass to the Movement Arts Center. So for the next 30 days I will be doing some interesting stretches in the Yoga class. Tonight was the first class, the first Yoga class I have ever been to. It was wonderful. I believe there were about 8 folks in the class and it looked to me like I was the youngest. I felt comfortable and ready to learn. Lea informed me that the class goes a little long because no one uses the room after, and she was right. The class started at 7:45 and ended around 9:15. Surprising to me, I made it through the whole class. I am sure I will be paying for it tomorrow. I loved the chance to be in a warm room, concentrate on breathing and just enjoy some relaxation. If you have never tried it, like my self at 4 hours ago I would highly recommend it.

a look at Sundays...

2010-01-24T20:49:00.000-08:00

Day 6

Today I will not be writing about football...

I love Sundays. I am able to spend time with my husband, Nash and a good cup of coffee. Right now Jake and I have not been attending church. The transition from Pine Ridge to here, regarding church has been difficult. I really enjoyed Pine Ridge gospel fellowship. I felt at home there. The family was a nice small size with beautifully simple worship and a sermon you were not afraid to interupt with questions. Right now that is what I am looking for and would love to find. Yet I have been enjoying our sabatical from tradition worship services and spending time at home. God is good.

When the rain pours...

2010-01-23T22:07:00.000-08:00

Day 5

With six minutes to spare I made it to day five. Pretty impressive if I say so myself. Today was like any other Saturday. I was woken up by a beautiful baby, then enjoyed a wonderful cup of french pressed coffee. Later in the day Jake and I joined Jeff and Carol for a fantastic dinner and great fellowship. Now is my time to sit and reflect on the day and how I saw God at work.

God is all around. Even in the cold, the snow and the freezing rain. There are many times that I seem to forget this, but thankfully God has not forgotten me. I feel frustrated and discontent much of the time and I am in the process of figuring out why my soul is in so much angst. This is not an easy self reflection to undergo, but even when the rain pours God is with me.

There is GRACE for that.

So they say I need structure...

2010-01-22T20:19:00.000-08:00

DAY 4

Well I have heard that some might like it if I were to write with a little more structure (Kevin Kinley) and its OK to feel that way, but it is 30 days of me and well I am not known to be very structured. Sure I could pick one subject to write about, but then again what if something comes up and it interests me more to write about that? So needless to say... structure is thrown out the window. I love you Kevin, but this is me. Thanks for the advice though, I hope you continue to read.

Today has been a good Friday...

Time with Nash, time alone and time with friends. I couldn't ask for a better start to the weekend. Right now I am sitting with my friends and just finished up playing a game of ticket to ride where I came in 2nd place by only 2 points. It would have been nice to win, but its like they say 'first in the worst, second is the best'. Now i must make this a short post and spend sometime with my friends.

Goodnight.

Created for the outdoors...

2010-01-21T14:31:00.000-08:00

Day 3

I am not to sure who to credit this post to... perhaps Hope for writing about it in our house community journal or maybe it should be Zach who taught her about this, but then again we learn all things from God, so maybe in the end I owe Him the credit. I've been thinking a lot today and wondering why am I so saddened about Hope and Zach leaving. Sure they are some of my closest friends and I love them dearly, but there must be something deeper then that. Then while driving home and leaving them a voice mail about the freezing rain hitting my windshield and the cold freezing wind chilling my insides the thought hit me so clearly. I was created to be outside. To feel the warmth of the sun and the warm breeze against my flesh. I am not meant for this COLD. Sure some people enjoy the winter, they find the fun in the snow, cold and frozen tundra around then, but I am not one of those I speak of. I have never been one of those. I am amazed of those people who truly Love the winter, who thrive in the winter. I can say that every time fall begins to fade, part of my soul goes with it. It is a struggle to survive with high spirits through the winter. I try, I really do every year try to complain a little less. This year Jake even commented about how I haven't complained as much, but maybe its because I feel like I am dyeing on the inside. It is a struggle to be myself. To enjoy the day when it fades so fast and the cold keeps your locked inside and feeling alone. Maybe I have been so saddened of their leaving not just because I will miss them dearly, but because my soul is longing to feel the warmth of Gods warm creation.

looking around...

2010-01-20T18:49:00.000-08:00

Day 2

I almost didn't make it. Not that it would have been
very surprising if I had forgotten to blog. Jake thinks I wont make it all 30 days so lets see if I can prove him wrong. Its an interesting thing when you know at the end of the day you will be sharing your thoughts with whomever chooses to read them. All day I would find myself being more in-tune with the things around me, just incase it might be good to write about later. Nothing profound happened to me today. It was a pretty basic stay at home mom type of day. I did however enjoy a wonderful slice of french silk pie with my lunch, a special treat. One of my favorite times of the day is when Jake comes home. It always seems to be right after or right when Nash is eating and the excitement he gets when he sees his papa is simply beautiful. It is one of the greatest feelings to know that your child has such a love for his father. I love and enjoy the bond that they have together. I know that Jake says that Nash and I have this "special" thing because I am his mother, but I see that same thing between them. I am so blessed to have a loving family.

30 Days of...Me

2010-01-19T19:27:00.001-08:00

I have decided to take a challenge and blog everyday for 30 days. I am going to try my hardest to be honest, vulnerable and maybe a little insightful. I am not to sure why I have decided to do this, but perhaps something inside of me is longing to be heard. I hope that this will happen, I hope that I will make it 30 days. Granted I am not perfect. I might miss a day and well in that case I am sorry. SO lets begin...

January 19th 2010

26 years ago I was born. My mom tells me it was the coldest day of the year, -26 degrees. I wonder why at that very minutes she didn't decide to get the heck out of town and move somewhere, lets see a little WARMER. Now with most of my family here and Jakes here, we feel slightly pulled to this area. Anyways. 26 years have gone by so fast. I do not feel much different from 25, not at all really. I enjoyed turning 25. Cheaper car insurance, well not really our guy said we all ready got a discount because we were married. LAME. Being 25 I felt more like an adult then I ever had, and now 26 isn't much different. I celebrated with my friends and played a wonderful/crazy game of bunko on Saturday. Congrats Jackie for winning. Today was much less exciting then I would have liked. Early this morning I woke up to say goodbye to our two closest friends. They are off to Hawaii for 7 weeks. I know its not that long, but I find myself at a loss and saddened that they are gone. Then my husband forgot to say happy birthday to me or anything even resembling those words almost all day. I still love him anyways! For some reason I have just been sad. Today has been a let down of a birthday. I did however get a wonderful dinner cooked by my mom and was able to spend sometime with my grandparents. OK Lizzie time to stop complaining and be grateful for all that God has blessed me with. The good and the bad.

I'll be seeing you...

2010-01-17T18:16:00.000-08:00

In one full day two of my closest friends are heading off on a journey that will most likely changes there lives. I can't help but be a little jealous. Not only are they taking time off work, and a break from the busy daily life, but this all is taking place in the warmth of Hawaii. I am sure there will be challenges and growth beyond their wildest imagination, but it will be well worth it in the end.

I will miss my friends. I miss the conversations we have, the games we play and the support they offer. I am excited to see what God will do with them in the coming 7 weeks.

All this talk about taking time off and exploring something new has once again brought up that desire in my heart. Perhaps for me this is the time in my life where I need to practice patience. I know that our family is still finding where God wants us to be, but for now its here.

So they say it's a new year...

2010-01-08T12:40:00.000-08:00

I can not believe how fast years come and go! Pretty soon I will find my self an old wrinkly lady wondering where the time has gone, but for now I am young a little wrinkled and excited for the new year. I would like to take a moment and reflect back on the year 2009. It is so easy to just just keep going with life and let memories fade into the distance, but there were so many good times had that I want to relish them for just a little longer. So here they are. A few of my fondest moments of 2009.

*the birth of Nash Dakota Edward Ladd (a little painful, but well worth it in the end)
*nights spent playing ping-pong, nertz and mafia in Pine Ridge with my family.
*working at Higher Ground and having deep and meaningful conversations with Belva and Leon.
*the weekend road trip our two great pals made to come visit us in Pine Ridge and see our lives out there.
*finding out we were having a baby boy!
*becoming a biological aunt to Nolan Robert Hawkinson.
*camping with the kinley's in the Ladd's back yard.
*the third annual cabin extravaganza!
*my family coming to visit from all over to see Nash.
*being introduced to the "name game", and playing it many times.
*road tripping with my husband and Nash to Denver, Birmingham and Pine Ridge.
*Nash's first Christmas.
*moving into a community house.

And the list could go on and on. 2009 was a good year. I am excited to see what 2010 has to offer and where and what God has planned for us. So far I can't complain. I have a roof over my head, food on the table and family that I love.

You are what you eat...

2009-12-30T14:43:00.000-08:00

So I have been living in this here community house for 7 months, and I can not believe how fast time has gone by. I promised I would write about all the things I learned along the way and this is the first community specific thing, so I would say I am doing pretty good.

A little back story to get you all caught up...

Growing up I had a good childhood, plenty of siblings to play/fight with. My own room i could escape to to get away from the noise, and of course my stuffed dog who would listen to all my worries. There is one thing just a little different about my childhood, not so different from many children today. I rarely ate home cooked meals. I can count on one hand the amount of meals my mom would make homemade for us. Its not because she didn't love us or care about our nutrition, but she was tired. She worked all day, then came home to house dirtied by six kids and was instantly bombarded with the daunting question "what's for dinner?". Well it also didn't help that she wasn't the hugest fan of cooking, but lets not tell her I told you that. So needless to say most of my meals were whatever Kraft could put in a box or the little Hamburger helper Glove could creatively create in 5 minutes. I spent many dinners with a pizza man and with a Mr. McDonald. Unlike most families eating out for dinner wasn't a special treat, it was what we did. The nights when we were surprised by a home-cooked meal were wonderful... for a time, then there was a switch, something happened...

I became an addict... I was addicted to eating out. No longer did eating a home-cooked meal sound good, my body longed to eat out, to be filled with starch and fats and oils and salts. (sorry but its the truth) My body wanted the quick fill, the high and then the crash! I lived like this for a while not even seeing the problem. Then it began to sink in, I began to feel it. I was tired and hungry only hours after I had a huge value meal. My body lacked the nutrients it needed to sustain me. My insides were beginning its journey to a slow and painful death. I lived like this for years, unaware that the easy, fast and convenient foods I was eating were nothing more then cheap fillers.

Fast forward to now...

Moving into this community house I wasn't sure what God wanted to teach me, but I was open to anything. I knew there was a lot of change that needed to happen. I was mostly excited to live with a group of people who strived to live a life different from those around them. To be stewards of what God had given them. Right away I was shown so many new things I began to feel overwhelmed. There was a main pattern to the things I was learning. It all seemed to revolve around FOOD. Was God trying to get me to see that I had a problem? Was I so unaware that food had such a hold on me? Did I need to be brought into a place of community to learn that I leaned on food more than others? That I was so disconnected from the foods I ate that I had no clue where or how it got to my plate.

So began the slow process of CHANGE...

Living within this community I was instantly aware of the impact my choices have on this earth. Where did I shop? Do I choose to shop at an ethical company, or give a little on my ethics and get the biggest bang for my buck? Do I support my local businesses or complain that it's to inconvenient? Am i willing to profess that the human life is of upmost importance and then turn around and deny that by being naive about who makes my clothing and food? Is slavery dead?
How can I ever be the same? The way I ate affected every area of my life. I was conditioned to not care. To not know. To be unaware of those around me. But today I am no longer unaware. I am unconditioned. The social lies that have tied me so tightly are beginning to unravel. I MUST care. I MUST make a change. I can not make anyone else change, so I will work on the one person I know who can make the change. They may go down kicking and screaming, throwing punches, or lets hope they lay down with submission and humbly accept change. I will make MYSELF change. I will be the catalyst in my own life.

I will choose to eat the foods that our bodies were designed to eat. I will care about those who put their time and energy into planting and harvesting those foods. I will stand up for those who deserve a right for humane treatment and fare wages in bringing us those foods. I will care about the health of the animals and the conditions they live in. I will care about the conditions of all...
I will begin to understand how "we are what we eat."

I am what I eat.

A few things that sparked such a huge change in me. I truly believe that God has been working on me, waiting for me to mature and be ready to understand and accept change. Living here and being roommates with such wonderful, human and earth conscience people. Also seeing things visually. Watching Food INC. was something that changed me. It opened my eyes to a world I was blind to before. If you made it to the end of this blog and I could encourage you to do one thing it would be this...

Its not just food, things in life are never black and white. We vote by each item we send down the conveyor belt. When we purchase something we are saying its OK to do the practices the companies do. Research, know your facts. We can no longer be naive.

www.betterworldshopper.com

When your mind starts to wander...

2009-11-13T13:09:00.000-08:00

well i am here in the beauty of our Gods creation. Sitting on a porch, looking at the fall colors and wondering why God has decided to make the death of summer so beautiful? It is easy to say that all death is not as beautiful as the leaves outside your window, but perhaps the death of oneself to the renewal of ones soul is the most beautiful death.

I am in the process of dying.

Having time to sit and think and not be distracted but the normalcy of life has given me new distractions. My mind has been consumed with wandering...

This death that i am enduring, where will it take me? Who will i become?

Will i choose to take my last breath, or struggle for every last moment i have as who i am now?

i must surrender.

"let your life speak"

2009-11-01T08:53:00.000-08:00

"Let your life speak"

One of the books i actually completed of the many i was supposed to during my greaterworks internship. Maybe because it was the shortest or because something about it just interested me more than the others. I have been thinking a lot about it lately. Most of it is a blur, but one point sticks out in my mind.

Parker J. Palmer writes about the theory that when you are first born and into your early, early childhood before the world has any say on who you "should be" you are able to see clearly the character God has created you to have.

When I first read about this idea I was a little unsure. Now that we have Nash it is truly amazing to watch and see beyond a doubt some of the characteristics that God has instilled in him.
He is bashful, and like is father he is also empathetic. His Grandparents have seen a strong will in him and easy going spirit.

It has been interesting to speak to our patents and hear stories about how we were when we were young. I would encourage you to take sometime and ask your folks how you were in your early year.

the FEAR...

2009-09-25T23:45:00.001-07:00

I find myself lying in bed, tossing and turning, trying to fall asleep. Only hours earlier I was so tired I could hardly keep my eyes from shutting, now sleep seems like it will never come. Perhaps it is because I am alone in Denver not sure of my surroundings or just that my mind will not allow me to rest. So here on this page I will spill the thoughts circling around in my mind. Some may seem pointless, but retrieving them from my mind and writing them down just might help me find rest.

I am a failure with a capitol F. I try to be an example of Christ, but I seem to fall so shot. I cannot expect perfection. I will not beat myself up over the impossible, but try for the possible. I am a sinner. I will always be a sinner. I cannot hide in my sin. I know that I will let others down, and I will surely let myself down. Yet there is GRACE.

Lord my God, grace I need. Forgive me Father, for I KNOW what I do.

I was given a gift of beauty and peace, a gift of love and reliance. I was given a son. My heart is filled with love for this Child. I pray for him, I love him and care for him. Lord, wrap Nash in your arms of Grace, Mercy and Compassion. Lord, speak to him in Love and Truth.

Speak to me Lord in the moments of silence.

When I was younger I had a crippling fear of death. I had this feeling that I wouldn’t make it long in life. I never saw myself getting old. That fear made me worry about everything. Would I make it to graduation? Will I see my wedding day?

Then something changed. I wasn’t afraid of death. Death would only bring new life. I was to live my life with passion no matter when it would end. Fear led me to mourn a life that I hadn’t lost. I was able to see death as the beginning of a life spent in full-uninterrupted worship of my God.

Lord I am falling again…

Here I am again, in fear. Wondering, questioning, obsessing. There is so much more to have fear for. I fear for my husband, and for my child.

My fear is a lack of trust.

Lord I must trust you.

“For it is no longer I that lives, but Christ that lives in me.”

community living..

2009-08-28T13:51:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow, the official start date of 2409 community house.

most think we are crazy, but i have always enjoyed when folks think the thing i am doing are "crazy". It helps reassure me that my life is not the norm.

Tomorrow this 4 bedroom home will be filled with six adults one infant and two dogs. It will also be filled with ideas, inspiration and hopefully an abundance of compassion.

I have always wanted to live in a community home. To be able to live with others focused on encouraging each other to live beyond themselves. To be able to downsize my own belonging and learn to share. I know this wont be easy, it might even be a little frustrating at times. Yet i believe this is the life God has called me to live. to look beyond myself, my selfish desires and for once focus on my "family". I am excited to experience growth. I am excited to learn more about my house family and share in life's joys, its sorrows and the moments of unbelief.

I will keep you all posted on this adventure. Here are a few snapshot of the family.

Hope & Zach Lien

Jake & Lizzie & Nash Ladd

Dave Berg

Lea Berg

Bama & Emery

One months lessons...

2009-08-07T16:15:00.000-07:00

So it has been a month from the time of Nash was born. One month. I can hardly believe it. Where does the time go? I have fallen in love with this little man. He has been such a huge blessing.

Being a mom has been an interesting road. I have learned a lot. Learning to be patient has been a huge lesson for me. When you can't figure out why your child is crying and no comfort can be found, patience comes in handy. I have learned to hold my breath for a longer length of time. Those green runny poops can really do a number on your nose. I have enjoyed learning to hold a baby and take two dogs out for potty breaks. I have learned to give of myself for the greater good. I have learned to just sit and be still and admire God's creation.

This past month has been very interesting. This month has had its fare share of struggles and moments of frustration. It has had its moments where i have felt overwhelmed and inferior. this month has had many moments, but i wouldn't trade this month for anything.

I am the luckiest...

2009-07-11T16:52:00.000-07:00

I happen to be the mother of the most beautiful child in the whole world. Sorry all other children of the world, you are still good look'n. The process started on Sunday night. While hanging out with our friends Zach and Hope, (Hope also was my birth coach) i started to feel something happening. We chose to stay up and play some games, laugh and eat nasty tasting chicken fingers. every ten minutes or so I would pause and enjoy the wonderful feeling of a contraction. After staying up until 2 am we decided to hit the hay... well try at least.

For the next 6 hours i had contraction anywhere from 2-8 minutes apart. The hospital told us to stay home until i have a contraction every two minutes for an hour... i didn't even know that was possible. Then around 8 am i gave up. I was done laying on the floor in pain, it was time for the drugs. Jake and Hope packed up the car and we headed to the hospital. Little did I know i wouldn't be getting any drugs for a WHILE longer.

Things went SLOW! I was only dilated to a 1 when i arrived so we had some work to do. I walked, I lunged, and i utilized the big ball. Then... NOTHING happened. So the doctor did some magic work and then i was at a 2 ! Around 2:00pm Monday they decided to give my a mix of meds, morphine and something I can't remember. It was supposed to help me sleep, cause lets see i hadn't slept in about 35 hours, it didn't work. I still felt the pain. The next step was to WALK and to walk a lot. Stopping every 3 minutes to have Jake, Hope or my mom press on my back with all their strength. I had pretty intense back labor. Still NOTHING changed so we decided (the doctors) that around 10pm Monday i would get another dose of morphine and hopefully fall asleep and then be induced at 6 am tuesday. So 10pm came around I got the shot (in the butt, not fun) slept about 1 hour, maybe and then every 2-3 minutes i experienced the worst pain in my life. Jake would press on my back while i held onto the bed bar and cried for it all to end. I called the nurse, told her my pain was to much. so then the drugs finally came around 12:30 am Tuesday morning. I was given an epidural ( they had to do it twice) then patosin to induce labor. I FINALLY fell asleep. Then at 3am the nurse came in to check if i have dilated any more past a 2 and when she checked she looked up and said.. 'we better call the doctor, your ready to go.' The best words i could have heard. So I waited a little while and around 3:40 am i started to push. After about two minutes they told me i needed to roll over and stop pushing, the doctor wasn't there and i was to close. So at 4:02 am the doctor walked in I pushed and at 4:05 am Little Nash Dakota Edward Ladd entered our world.
He was 7lbs and 3 oz and 20 inches long.

I was in shock... I was now a real life mother. It was beautiful! I am the luckiest lady in the whole wide world. Every moment i thank God for giving me Nash. I thank him for the opportunity to understand a little bit more the love he has for all His children. I will be forever grateful of the family I have been blessed with. I have a loving, compassionate humble husband and a baby boy who shows me the love of God.

39 1/2 weeks and counting...

2009-06-25T11:02:00.000-07:00

I can not believe how fast the past 37 weeks have gone. It really is crazy to think that I spent almost all of my time in Pine Ridge pregnant. Oh how life goes by so fast. well not the last two weeks. I feel like I am READY to have this baby. Not just because its hot out or i can't sleep and have to pee every few minutes, because I can not wait to see what our son is going to look like. I know I am in for a HUGE surprise once the little man arrives. Perhaps a constant state of being tired?? Oh dear, that does not sound fun, but I have a feeling it will all be worth the sleepless nights in the end.

I had a check up again today.. i am on the every week plan. Its always the same thing... wait in the lobby, wait in the lab, wait in the room even longer, then continue waiting for the baby to arrive.

everything went well. Its a pretty painful exam, but i have a feeling its nothing compared to birthing a child. Bring on the meds is all I can say!

39 1/2 weeks is where I am at today... the doctor lady says I could go at any moment. I am a ticking time bomb. Look out! I have a strange feeling it is going to begin in the middle of the night, when it will be most difficult to wake Jake and have him coherent enough to drive me to the hospital... perhaps he will be fine. I awoke today with the worst Charlie Horse in my leg, rolling in pain, jake looked at me and said... "i shouldn't touch you huh?" followed by "are you sure its not contractions?"
I responded while in increased agony "I am pretty sure contractions are not in your calf muscle and if they are no one told me."

I got out of bed took a hot shower and when i returned Jake kindly said "all i could do was think about laughing at you with that charlie horse"

It shall be interesting when i have real contractions... BRING THEM ON BABY!

The beauty all around

2009-06-13T08:56:00.000-07:00

Good morning.

Today I woke up, praise God. I don't believe I do that enough. I am blessed to wake up another day, to see the sun and I am even blessed to hear the dog barking outside nonstop.
There is beauty in everything.
I find myself easily distracted from the beauty by my emotions. Sure I am pregnant, but that is not an excuse to be crabby or out of tune with the beauty God has created around me.
It is a choice. I every morning wake up with a choice, should i waste these eyes and see only the twisted world my sinful self wants me to see or can i go beyond and see the beauty and feel it in my soul.
Daily i feel torn down. Frustrated by making the same mistakes over and over.
Yet there is beauty in forgiveness.

Oh Lord my God, what a price that was payed.

Today i will choose to be filled with peace. Today i will struggle to be the person i was created to be. Today i will strive to LOVE.

Today I will see the beauty all around.

an old entry...

2009-06-05T11:12:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, September 26, 2007 at 11:18am

This will be an on going process...
My Christianity is a struggle
It is a battle.
My Christianity asks me to Love without thinking
To cherish each human as Gods creation.
My Christianity asks me NOT to forget those who SEEM unlike me.
But to forget myself for others.
My Christianity has changed my world
My world is humanity.
My Christianity is about my Christ.

My Christ is my savior
He has forgiven not just me, but everyone.
My Christ LOVES
The Lost
The Broken
The abused
The Hurting
The Lonely
The Addicts
The Hungry
The Naked
And how amazed I am that he LOVES me.
I am nothing with out Him, an empty soul searching for the cross.

My life will be different.
For I no longer live, but Christ that lives in me.
I am a creation of God, designed in His image. I am not forgotten. I will live without FEAR.
I will not be safe any longer. I will not run from the cities crying out from injustice, but I will become a follower that Christ calls us to become.
I will Feed the hungry.
I will clothe the naked.
I will get the thirsty something to drink.
I will open my home to the homeless.
I will SEE MY SAVIOR IN EVERYONE!

who would have guessed...

2009-05-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

When i think about my life i am often left in sheer wonder.
How did I get here?
Almost 7 years ago... 7 years that is a heck of a long time ago, i met Jake. Jake would change my life FOREVER. When i started college I never thought about getting married. I never really thought about being in a relationship. I had the idea that I would enjoy liking guys whenever I felt like it or if i got bored. Soon after i declared relationship FREEDOM, I was introduced to Jake. Oh how my life would change.
All of a sudden i found myself staying up late, skipping class and eating endless amount of Wendy's frosty's. Our relationship had grown such depth i found myself lost in its grip.
I was the luckiest girl on earth.
I was in love... Well what i thought was love at the time.
I was infatuated.
over the next four and a half years we had ups and we had downs. We laughed and we cried. We listened and we argued.
We never stopped loving...
We continued to fall in love.
We began to learn what love is, we began treating each other with LOVE. We are learning to die to ourselves so the other may thrive. We are Loving.
Married life is amazing. Married life is not easy and a joy at every passing moment. It can be hard, frustrating and feel disappointing.
We are learning to LOVE in the midst of all those feelings.
I would never trade a single moment that i have shared with Jake.
I am one lucky girl.
I write this now with an addition to our lives growing inside of me.
I am a mother. Jake is a father.
We are a family.
I would have never guessed i would be here.

2009-05-06T10:42:00.000-07:00

I am home again. Jake and I arrived home last week and things have been very interesting. It is strange to see so many cars and to once again know traffic as being more then three cars backed up at big batts. People are everywhere! There are pros and cons to the amount of people in the city.
I still have time, i am not working. I find myself, now with the options of stuff to do constantly trying to fill my time. Its hard to sit alone and do nothing. I am sure soon enough i will be yearning for the emptiness of a day.
I am happy to be home yet I miss being where I was.
I can hardly believe that in 8 or so weeks I will be having a baby. It is amazing to feel kicks and movements and to know that God is forming this child in His image. Oh how blessed we are.

about time...

2009-04-08T15:38:00.000-07:00

Well I have a moment to sit down and be in front of a computer, so i better blog.

Things here in Pine Ridge are coming to an end, fast. I can hardly believe that we only have 19 days left. There is so much i will miss about this place. I will miss the family i have made and the wonderful coffee from higher ground. Yet there are things to look forward to as well.

I have been involved in many conversations with our friends the Liens about living together. Who knows where it will be. There is talk about spending a year in Hawaii living in community and being the church to people there. We have also spoke about living here on the Reservation. It is all in Gods hands. I will trust that He knows what is best and it might not be the easy road. Sometimes i get frustrated with my own selfishness, what i think is best in my life. I live my life not for myself but for God. The road i have chosen will be filled with twists and turns, bumps and bridges. I do not believe being a follower of Christ calls me to be comfortable and stagnant. I am called to live a radical unique life that only God knows the direction of.

Now that i just spill things onto this page i must end. Soon the next chapter of our life will begin, but i will not sit by and wait. I will live the life i have right now at this moment.

Pistachios and a Milk shake

2009-01-20T17:22:00.000-08:00

I never seem to know what i am going to write about until my fingers get used to the keys and then the words begin to flow. We are back, and right now i am happy that i am not in Minneapolis. The weather here has been simply amazing. I can hardly believe it is January. Today it was 63 degrees. Ok now that i have turned into an old person by talking about the weather i should tell you i turned 25 yesterday. 25, my pastor likes to say now you are a quarter of a century old. That sure seems old, but i have always liked getting older. Will see if i say that when i am 40.

I had a good birthday, wish i could have been with all my friends and family from back home. I did though get to celebrate with great friends from Pine Ridge. One of my friends said 'hey just think next year you will be celebrating with a 7 month old.' Wow that will be a world of difference. Speaking of children, Jake and i get to find out what we are having on the 12th of February. Start your bets! I have no clue what we are having, it will be a surprise. I seem to have moments of forgetting i am even having a child, then i have moments of holy cow i am having a baby. Both are good and a little strange. I can not wait till all of our friends start having babies. That should be crazy.

Anyways, things are good, not easy but good. There are days that i want to go home, then i have days where i can't even imagine being back. Oh the good and the bad. Thanks again everyone for supporting us out here, we need you! Hope all is well and feel free to give us a call!

Well here i am again.

2008-12-28T08:49:00.000-08:00

December 28th 2008,

I can hardly believe that it is almost 2009. I feel as if we should having flying cars and transporters like the Jettson's had. Oh we are so far away from those things. Perhaps my child will get to fly a car around. I can only dream right? I have a slight feeling this blog will be full of random thoughts, feelings and sprinkled with passion.
So let me begin...

I am so happy to be home! I have loved every minute of it! Wait let me take that back, I have not loved the moments when i feel my stomach approaching my mouth. Other than those times, this has been simply wonderful. I love spending time with my family and my inspiring friends. I am so blessed to have good friends! Random thought coming... And i am so thankful for food!

I was recently shown a friends blog and he spoke about the desire, the thirst for deep invigorating conversation. I couldn't agree more Kevin. I have always had that feeling. I know our friends can go deeper and when it happens my soul feels a slight renewal. Right now I am sitting at Panera bread thinking about so many things. Talking with my husband about Adam and Eve, good and evil, and being revolutionary. Jake right now is reading a book that helped inspire me to be set apart, and to see the world as Christ sees it. The Irresistible Revolution, by shane claiborne. Here is one thought from the book that is hard to digest.

"There is no doubt that we must mourn those lives lost on September 11th. We must mourn the lives of the soldiers. But with the same passion and outrage, we must mourn the lives of every Iraqi who is lost. They are just as precious, no more, no less. In our rebirth, every life lost in Iraq is just as tragic as a life lost in New York or D.C. And the lives of the thirty thousand children who die of starvation each day is like six September 11ths every single day, a silent tsunami that happens every week."

Wow! I know most may disagree with me but i see no need for retaliation. I do not see how redemptive violence brings peace to anyone. How is there such a thing as a "just war"? When is is OK for us to take up the High Throne and be the judge of those around us. I believe that is in the hands of God. We are to mourn with those who are mourning! And as Americans we are not the only ones mourning. Although we tend to instigate reasons of mourning for others.
We are ALL created in the image of God. You and I, the children in Africa and the mother and fathers in Iraq. We bare the image of Christ.

This blog has been a spewing of my thought and feelings. I am overwhelmed and its time to hand the computer to my husband. I hope there can be many conversation in the future about the love of Christ.

Oh the good news...

2008-12-05T12:53:00.000-08:00

Who would have thought that I would be having a baby, and the first one of our Minnesota friends at that. I was sure it would have been Hope and Zach and then a FEW years later perhaps Jake and I. Oh how God works.

At first i could not believe it. Even though deep inside i new it was true. I am not angry or frustrated, I am content. I have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and so did this. I am going to be a mother... (please with hold from laughing. I say that to myself as well.) This will be the biggest learning experience of my life. I am excited for all the moments we will have with our child.

The good, bad and ugly!

We are excited to share in this experience with you all. Keep us in your prayers and be ready to babysit... just kidding!

We miss you all and can not wait to have some face to face conversations!

a look into my life...

2008-11-20T12:31:00.000-08:00

Here I am again. Sitting in my little home in #4 and wondering 'what the heck should i write about.' so many times i desire to write something amazing, but I am not an author nor an amazing poet I am simply me.
Things here are going amazing. I have been a little under the weather the past few weeks, but finally I feel like my old self again... Kind of!
the life i live here in Pine Ridge is a much slower, relaxed life. More time to ponder life's biggest question. Time to wonder why am I here. Time to wonder, who will i become.
One quote i enjoy is...

"Perhaps the questions shouldn't be 'what will i do with my life?' but 'who are you going to become?'"

There are so many good days here. Don't get me wrong, life is not perfect! Daily i struggle with home sickness. So much of me wants to go back to the life i am used to. Knowing fare well that i would sit most of my days in discontent with where my life is. I do not want to fit it, to blend in, to just be another. I want to live a life that is different, to speak truth and to have LOVE spill from my soul. I am here to be refined.

"Are you not much more valuable then they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

There are so many beautiful moments in life, and when i worry about the next i pass so many moments by. I will never know all the moments i have missed, but my soul longs for the beautiful moments in life. Not the easy or selfish but the truly beautiful in Gods eyes, those are the moments i what to be around for.

My randomness is starting to bother me. My thoughts are all over the place and all i can do it take a moment and breath and enjoy this beautiful moment!

before there was snow...

2008-11-13T19:20:00.000-08:00

Well winter has arrived here on the Reservation. The beautiful landscape has been covered with even more beautiful blanket of snow. I could hardly believe how large the snow flakes were. When i awoke the next morning it felt as if I had been moved to another place. Now the dirt and nastiness of winter have set in. Mud, sand, brown dirty snow is all the eye can see. I wait for the next snow fall to once again cleanse this land.

In other news... Things here are still going wonderfully. There are times when we feel cabin fever set in. There is not much to do around here. filling our time with positive thing are very important. Jake as even taken up painting. (Thanks to my friend Michelle back home) i also created one masterpiece, a buffalo. I believe i did ok. If anyone is interested in buying the art work just let me know. :)

I thought i would post a few photos as well. the first one is of our staff, we went to Rapid City and stumbled upon the most beautiful terrain. the next is of the most amazing tree captured right as the sun was setting. and the third is my lovely (not always thinking) husband. on both sides of him it was a extreme drop off. HE IS CRAZY!

2008-10-31T12:35:00.000-07:00

Its almost November 4th!

Many days i spend contemplating who i should vote for. Growing up in a Christian home, going to a Christian high school and college it seems i should vote Republican. We all know its our 'Christian duty to vote'. 'Its our God given right' at that.
It seems though my life has begun to take a different path. I no longer feel obligated to stand on one side. Of course i have my ideals of what i think we should do, but lets just say I no more than anyone else have the best solution.
I question how i can vote on an issue that i do nothing about in my daily life. When i am willing to take in a child whose mother feels that they have no other way. Our to open my home for those who are not excepted by those around them. When i can love without question, then i will begin to decide what issues matter to me.

I know that i desire to live the life God intended me to live. To love those He loves. To become an example that points only to Christ. How can i say that i put my trust solely in Christ, but vote for one that is not Him. I am putting my faith in that person to change our lives. Faith in my God will lead me to change the things around me that must be changed. We are all human! We will fail. Our president will fail! My God will never leave me nor forsake me. His promises are that which no man can make. He calls us to be SET APART as a Believer. Today we have decided that we must be within, to look the same, to follow those around us. How are we set apart. Perhaps by the negative things we have done and are doing. Perhaps by not loving those who Christ called us to love!

Matthew 25:35-40 (New International Version)

35"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

In my life i am only beginning to learn. Many will tell me its just my young age that has made me think this way. I tell them this: I believe these things because Christ is in me!

old faithful...

2008-10-23T11:03:00.000-07:00

Our morning started out like any other.. No that is a lie. First of all we woke up before 10am, 7:40am to be truthful. Alissa and I were starting our first day of work at Wounded Knee school district. Alissa works in the first grade room and I work with the lovely Kindergarten.

We woke up packed our lunch and then the choice... What van do we take? I picked up the keys to the brown bulky conversion van, thought twice and set them down. I wanted to take the newer sleeker blue van. I grabbed the keys and we rushed out the door. We made a quick stop for some morning coffee. I need some caffeine do to the fact that we were awake so EARLY.

We started our drive, the whole 40 miles to the school. Just as we arrived to wounded knee, my pal Alissa leaned over...

"Did you feel that?

"um nope i sure didn't. What did you hit a dog Alissa?" (a common occurrence here on the Rez)

"oh no lizzie, WHAT DOES THAT LIGHT MEAN?"

(the check engine light flashing)

"Ahh, well i have no idea. I will look it up." (after a few moments i began to read the warning out loud.)

"When Check engine light flashes, there is a misfire and can result in exhaust entering the car and further damage can happen by your car irrupting in flames." (i for some reason could NOT stop laughing)

"Lizzie Its not funny, we could start on fire!"

( we decided to pull the car(van) over in the middle of no where. We couldn't get cell phone reception so we decided to make one more move and drive up onto wounded knee hill, you know where the massacre happened. Hopefully we could get reception. WE DID.)

(Jake arrived told us some things and drove us to the school. We were sure that the car had been fixed but on our ride home from Henry, a community member. He saw our van on the hill and said...

"You better move that van. People here are nervy. when you come tomorrow. you might only have a frame left."

"oh dear!" ( we towed to the van later and it is now being looked at by a wonderful man named Ata.

Praise God we didn't start on FIRE

the smell of fall!

2008-10-09T14:44:00.001-07:00

If you were to ask me what is one thing I miss about home I would have to say the beauty of fall. Don't get me wrong, the beauty of Pine Ridge is amazing. There is just something different about a Minnesota fall. When a brisk chill enters the air and leaves begin to show their dying colors and a sweatshirt is warmly welcomed, that is when i love fall in love with Minnesota all over again.

Out here the grass has been dead before June even ended and the few trees that sprinkles these grounds simply find them selves a golden yellow. Then before you can even enjoy the golden sunset of the trees the leaves have taken their final breath and fallen to 'mother earth.'

Although the death of the grounds may be ugly it will in return birth new life. Greens, reds, yellows all those colors and more then the eye can behold will make a beautiful creation again come spring.

I am blessed to be here. to see the beauty first hand in a new way. I will enjoy and take a deep breath the chill of the air and simply be still!

We could use your support! :)

2008-10-04T11:41:00.000-07:00

Hey friends...

If you feel like supporting jake and I this year in Pine Ridge South dakota read this letter and then go to www.greaterworks.us and click on Lizzie Ladd or Jake Ladd then hit support.

We would be so thankful.

Dear friends and family,

I hope this letter finds you all well. Lizzie and I are a few months away from celebrating our two-year anniversary. It’s been an amazing couple of years. As you may know Lizzie and I had the wonderful opportunity to work with an organization called Youthworks! (www.youthworks.com) last summer on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota. Little did we know, that this was just the beginning.

We are about to embark on a yearlong internship with Greaterworks Inc. (www.Greaterworks.us). We will be spending the next nine months living on the reservation, seven miles from the city of Pine Ridge. We will be living in community with our two other staff, and the people of the reservation, while immersing ourselves in their culture, and building meaningful relationships.

Last summer while working on the Pine Ridge Reservation, we had the opportunity to meet a family, a mother and four young boys. Originally, they started coming around to play basketball and meet the weeks’ participants, but soon after they began staying for dinner. It even got to the point where they wanted to spend the night. We eventually realized that these boys and their mother had made their home in their car. We spent many days playing, laughing, listening and most of all learning from this family. As the summer began to come to a close we had a feeling of overwhelming sadness. We were not ready to leave. There were more community cookouts to be had, and relationships to be built. We trusted that God would provide those opportunities, and through Greaterworks He has.

Greaterworks gives us the opportunity to invest long term into a community full of culture and love. We will be given the opportunities to partner with existing ministries on the reservation and support them in areas where we feel passionate. We would love it if you came along side of us on this adventure. You can do that by supporting us financially. We have the goal to raise $7,900 by January 2009. If you would like to financially support one week of our ministry that would be $240.00, one day would be $34.00. Feel free to give any amount. Jake and I truly see any gift as a blessing from God. Please continue to keep us in your prayers and we will keep you updated on all of our wonderful adventures here in Pine Ridge.

Thank you

Jake & Lizzie Ladd

LizzieL@greaterworks.us

JakeL@greaterworks.us

Oh the joy in problems

2008-10-03T14:40:00.000-07:00

I have a problem!

I do not enjoy reading when I am told I have to. So Serve God Save the Planet was good and all. Well everything I read of it, but I just get to a point around chapter 10 that I feel bored or frustrated. ‘Why do I have to read this?’ ‘I know there are a lot of great points, but let me choose when I want to jump in and learn to hang dry my clothes or get rid of my dog.” I wish I could sit here, well stand I guess and tell you all the great things I enjoyed about the book I read, but I can’t. It just so happened that I was simply taken over by another book that has forever changed my view on my father. No not my dad, but God. As I read each page I could feel my soul breaking free from the lies its been told my whole life. I felt the distant, punisher of a God become tangible and compassionate. I felt Jesus next to me, holding me, helping me lift the heavy load to the dumpster. I have begun to feel the Holy Spirit breath life into my deflated lungs.

I have been FREED!

What joy I have knowing that in my life I will never be alone. I have never been alone. I will never disappoint my God. You will never disappoint our God, our Father, and our savior.

Amen

Becoming a Rez dog!

2008-09-25T22:20:00.000-07:00

Emery loves the outdoors, the rez and all his pals.

Even though he does get pokies stuck in his paws when he runs in the grass.

He still Loves every moment.

Emery loves the Rez! He has been having an amazing time living in community and meeting some buddies.

He loves playing outside with Socks! Sometimes they chase each other, other times they bite, but most of the time they just hang out.

His other buddy, yellow snow loves to share Emery's water bowl. We have great friends where we live and great dogs. Emery fits right in!

2008-09-24T22:40:00.000-07:00

we headed back to minneapolis today. It sure was one long car ride.

I woke up around 3am feeling very under the weather. I could not fall back to sleep, so after tossing and turning for 3 hours we decided to hit the road.

Not being able to drive, I rested my head on the window and dozed off. I woke every once in a while to make sure Jake was still awake and keeping us on the road. Finally we have arrived. 9 hours later, a doctors appointment and the return to maxwells, my night is finally complete.

I have been having a wonderful time in Pine Ridge! It really is beautiful there. It seems that the sky goes on forever.

We are lucky to have so much in life. blessed. There is joy in having less. Finding the balance is where the difficulty is.

we have arrived!

2008-09-23T14:39:00.000-07:00

And then there were Two...

2008-09-05T12:07:00.000-07:00

Two days,

Jake and I are leaving in two days. I can't believe it is finally here. The house is looking cleaner, the boxes are being packed and goodbyes are being said. Now its time to relax and take it all in. We will be living on a reservation, with one market a gas station a Taco Johns, you dare not eat at and of course a Pizza Hut. Were not sure what the winters will be like. We don't even know what the plow situation is like there. Hopefully they have them.

Mostly we are just excited to get out and experience something new. An adventure.

Where is my motivation hiding?

2008-08-27T13:47:00.000-07:00

As you know Jake and I are moving... in LESS then two weeks. I have so much to do and instead i am sitting on my couch thinking 'boy i should really be doing something other than blogging.' Not to mention we are hosting a yard sale tomorrow and i just started going through everything. I know that i work best under pressure, but this is getting down to the wire. I went to the doctor today due to some dizziness, perhaps because i can not walk in a straight line in my home. He asked me if i am under any stress.

What kind of question is that. I don't consider myself a stressful person, but if their is a time to be a little stressed perhaps its now. Up until about 3 weeks ago i have never used a planner and now its full, let me know if i need to pencil you in for anything. I am unemployed and busier then ever. My house is clean for about an hour then somehow life happens and creates a disaster. I have junk everywhere (OK not junk! Valuable stuff that will be sold at the yard sale.) I feel like i have more to do at this moment in my life than i did when i got married. Maybe that's because i really didn't do much for my wedding. I know that every moment of stress is worth it. Every thought of 'I cant believe we are doing this' is a thought worth having. Every moment of joy held now will surely be multiplied when serving others. Life is worth living! Even the moments that might just feel worthless.

once upon a wedding...

2008-08-18T19:37:00.001-07:00

Well Jake and I photographed our first wedding!

It was wonderful, and fun to work with Jake.

Taking photos has always been a passion of mine.

I love to capturing the amazing moments in life.

Hopefully when we return from SD I will in roll in a photography

program to pursue my passion. i am sure you will see more!

Music with Motive

2008-07-31T16:09:00.000-07:00

The other day Jake and I decided to go out to dinner and while we were driving down the traffic jammed Hwy 394 I realized he drove right past the restaurant. He told me we were going to get a new CD.

Not that we have any money i thought but it better be a good one. I was happy we stopped.

We ended up getting a cd by a band called Flobots, strange name but real good. For once listening to rap makes me feel good. They believe in something not just sex, drugs and well you know what *rap is about. I suggest everyone takes a moment to check them out. I have been enjoying the CD a whole bunch.

* I know that not all rap is the same.

Moving Sale!

2008-07-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

Well its almost official, Jake and I will be moving to Pine Ride South Dakota.

There are so many emotions going through me at this point its even hard to describe one. Mostly i am looking forward to the pre-move purging process. There is nothing better than going through all your stuff and realizing i have been living a life of over abundance. Opening old bins, with no idea of what you will find is like your birthday or Christmas just getting your own stuff back. I love seeing things i forgot about and then realizing I do not need this to live, to become who i want to become or even who i think i am. Material purging is one of my many forms of spiritual rejuvenation. Sometime i freely step up to the plate, other times its life's twists and turns that makes me purge. How ever it comes about, it never leaves me disappointed.

Weddings...

2008-07-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

July 11th, 2008

The start of something wonderful! I had the pleasure of being in two of my great friends wedding. It was a beautiful evening. Two people becoming one is always a wonderful sight. Everything went wonderfully and now they are relaxing in the sunshine of Jamaica. I sure wish i was there.

November 11th, 2006

August 11th, 2007

July 11th, 2008

(October 11th, 2008)

Strange how such great friends can all get married on thee same date without even knowing. We must be REALLY good friends.

Time to take a risk.

2008-07-09T12:35:00.000-07:00

I am ready to hit the open road! To see where life takes me. I am ready to be challenged, motivated and moved to tears. Life is full or risks. I am willing to jump right in and take that risk.

I know that my life will

NEVER

be the same!

I desire to be different. To live a radical life.

To know that materials do not make me who I am.

Money is not where I will find joy.

I am no better than the next.

God does NOT love me more than the

homeless the prostitutes the lier.

For God Loved the WHOLE world...

My Joy is found in Him.

I will serve Him, follow Him and Love those He loves.

My first Blog

2007-07-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

Well here i am. Batesland, South Dakota. Time sure is flying by. We have completed 5 weeks of program and i can tell cause i am tired. Last week we had a pretty crazy week. It started out ok, we enjoyed our group, a little loud and interesting but good. The crazy part started on tuesday... our community ran out of water on a day that the bank screen read 120degrees out. i guess the water tower was empty, who would have thought that could even happen. So then on wednesday i found out 2 community members passed away in a car crash so they held a three day 24/7 memorial service. So my staff and i packed up our WHOLE site, youth and all and moved to Martin SD about 20 miles east of our site now. We stayed in a church with only 2 rooms and 1 bathroom. it was nuts! We were allowed back at our site Sunday and as we pulled up we were greeted by a group that was 2 hours early. so needless to say my staff and i are playing a little catch up. All in all things are going well a little nuts but well.