39 1/2 weeks and counting...

I can not believe how fast the past 37 weeks have gone. It really is crazy to think that I spent almost all of my time in Pine Ridge pregnant. Oh how life goes by so fast. well not the last two weeks. I feel like I am READY to have this baby. Not just because its hot out or i can't sleep and have to pee every few minutes, because I can not wait to see what our son is going to look like. I know I am in for a HUGE surprise once the little man arrives. Perhaps a constant state of being tired?? Oh dear, that does not sound fun, but I have a feeling it will all be worth the sleepless nights in the end.

I had a check up again today.. i am on the every week plan. Its always the same thing... wait in the lobby, wait in the lab, wait in the room even longer, then continue waiting for the baby to arrive.

everything went well. Its a pretty painful exam, but i have a feeling its nothing compared to birthing a child. Bring on the meds is all I can say!

39 1/2 weeks is where I am at today... the doctor lady says I could go at any moment. I am a ticking time bomb. Look out! I have a strange feeling it is going to begin in the middle of the night, when it will be most difficult to wake Jake and have him coherent enough to drive me to the hospital... perhaps he will be fine. I awoke today with the worst Charlie Horse in my leg, rolling in pain, jake looked at me and said... "i shouldn't touch you huh?" followed by "are you sure its not contractions?"
I responded while in increased agony "I am pretty sure contractions are not in your calf muscle and if they are no one told me."

I got out of bed took a hot shower and when i returned Jake kindly said "all i could do was think about laughing at you with that charlie horse"

It shall be interesting when i have real contractions... BRING THEM ON BABY!

The beauty all around

Good morning.

Today I woke up, praise God. I don't believe I do that enough. I am blessed to wake up another day, to see the sun and I am even blessed to hear the dog barking outside nonstop.
There is beauty in everything.
I find myself easily distracted from the beauty by my emotions. Sure I am pregnant, but that is not an excuse to be crabby or out of tune with the beauty God has created around me.
It is a choice. I every morning wake up with a choice, should i waste these eyes and see only the twisted world my sinful self wants me to see or can i go beyond and see the beauty and feel it in my soul.
Daily i feel torn down. Frustrated by making the same mistakes over and over.
Yet there is beauty in forgiveness.

Oh Lord my God, what a price that was payed.

Today i will choose to be filled with peace. Today i will struggle to be the person i was created to be. Today i will strive to LOVE.

Today I will see the beauty all around.

an old entry...

Wednesday, September 26, 2007 at 11:18am


This will be an on going process...
My Christianity is a struggle
It is a battle.
My Christianity asks me to Love without thinking
To cherish each human as Gods creation.
My Christianity asks me NOT to forget those who SEEM unlike me.
But to forget myself for others.
My Christianity has changed my world
My world is humanity.
My Christianity is about my Christ.

My Christ is my savior
He has forgiven not just me, but everyone.
My Christ LOVES
The Lost
The Broken
The abused
The Hurting
The Lonely
The Addicts
The Hungry
The Naked
And how amazed I am that he LOVES me.
I am nothing with out Him, an empty soul searching for the cross.

My life will be different.
For I no longer live, but Christ that lives in me.
I am a creation of God, designed in His image. I am not forgotten. I will live without FEAR.
I will not be safe any longer. I will not run from the cities crying out from injustice, but I will become a follower that Christ calls us to become.
I will Feed the hungry.
I will clothe the naked.
I will get the thirsty something to drink.
I will open my home to the homeless.
I will SEE MY SAVIOR IN EVERYONE!

who would have guessed...

When i think about my life i am often left in sheer wonder.
How did I get here?
Almost 7 years ago... 7 years that is a heck of a long time ago, i met Jake. Jake would change my life FOREVER. When i started college I never thought about getting married. I never really thought about being in a relationship. I had the idea that I would enjoy liking guys whenever I felt like it or if i got bored. Soon after i declared relationship FREEDOM, I was introduced to Jake. Oh how my life would change.
All of a sudden i found myself staying up late, skipping class and eating endless amount of Wendy's frosty's. Our relationship had grown such depth i found myself lost in its grip.
I was the luckiest girl on earth.
I was in love... Well what i thought was love at the time.
I was infatuated.
over the next four and a half years we had ups and we had downs. We laughed and we cried. We listened and we argued.
We never stopped loving...
We continued to fall in love.
We began to learn what love is, we began treating each other with LOVE. We are learning to die to ourselves so the other may thrive. We are Loving.
Married life is amazing. Married life is not easy and a joy at every passing moment. It can be hard, frustrating and feel disappointing.
We are learning to LOVE in the midst of all those feelings.
I would never trade a single moment that i have shared with Jake.
I am one lucky girl.
I write this now with an addition to our lives growing inside of me.
I am a mother. Jake is a father.
We are a family.
I would have never guessed i would be here.

I am home again. Jake and I arrived home last week and things have been very interesting. It is strange to see so many cars and to once again know traffic as being more then three cars backed up at big batts. People are everywhere! There are pros and cons to the amount of people in the city.
I still have time, i am not working. I find myself, now with the options of stuff to do constantly trying to fill my time. Its hard to sit alone and do nothing. I am sure soon enough i will be yearning for the emptiness of a day.
I am happy to be home yet I miss being where I was.
I can hardly believe that in 8 or so weeks I will be having a baby. It is amazing to feel kicks and movements and to know that God is forming this child in His image. Oh how blessed we are.

about time...

Well I have a moment to sit down and be in front of a computer, so i better blog.

Things here in Pine Ridge are coming to an end, fast. I can hardly believe that we only have 19 days left. There is so much i will miss about this place. I will miss the family i have made and the wonderful coffee from higher ground. Yet there are things to look forward to as well.

I have been involved in many conversations with our friends the Liens about living together. Who knows where it will be. There is talk about spending a year in Hawaii living in community and being the church to people there. We have also spoke about living here on the Reservation. It is all in Gods hands. I will trust that He knows what is best and it might not be the easy road. Sometimes i get frustrated with my own selfishness, what i think is best in my life. I live my life not for myself but for God. The road i have chosen will be filled with twists and turns, bumps and bridges. I do not believe being a follower of Christ calls me to be comfortable and stagnant. I am called to live a radical unique life that only God knows the direction of.

Now that i just spill things onto this page i must end. Soon the next chapter of our life will begin, but i will not sit by and wait. I will live the life i have right now at this moment.

Pistachios and a Milk shake

I never seem to know what i am going to write about until my fingers get used to the keys and then the words begin to flow. We are back, and right now i am happy that i am not in Minneapolis. The weather here has been simply amazing. I can hardly believe it is January. Today it was 63 degrees. Ok now that i have turned into an old person by talking about the weather i should tell you i turned 25 yesterday. 25, my pastor likes to say now you are a quarter of a century old. That sure seems old, but i have always liked getting older. Will see if i say that when i am 40.

I had a good birthday, wish i could have been with all my friends and family from back home. I did though get to celebrate with great friends from Pine Ridge. One of my friends said 'hey just think next year you will be celebrating with a 7 month old.' Wow that will be a world of difference. Speaking of children, Jake and i get to find out what we are having on the 12th of February. Start your bets! I have no clue what we are having, it will be a surprise. I seem to have moments of forgetting i am even having a child, then i have moments of holy cow i am having a baby. Both are good and a little strange. I can not wait till all of our friends start having babies. That should be crazy.

Anyways, things are good, not easy but good. There are days that i want to go home, then i have days where i can't even imagine being back. Oh the good and the bad. Thanks again everyone for supporting us out here, we need you! Hope all is well and feel free to give us a call!