community living..

Tomorrow, the official start date of 2409 community house.

most think we are crazy, but i have always enjoyed when folks think the thing i am doing are "crazy". It helps reassure me that my life is not the norm.

Tomorrow this 4 bedroom home will be filled with six adults one infant and two dogs. It will also be filled with ideas, inspiration and hopefully an abundance of compassion.

I have always wanted to live in a community home. To be able to live with others focused on encouraging each other to live beyond themselves. To be able to downsize my own belonging and learn to share. I know this wont be easy, it might even be a little frustrating at times. Yet i believe this is the life God has called me to live. to look beyond myself, my selfish desires and for once focus on my "family". I am excited to experience growth. I am excited to learn more about my house family and share in life's joys, its sorrows and the moments of unbelief.

I will keep you all posted on this adventure. Here are a few snapshot of the family.

Hope & Zach Lien

Jake & Lizzie & Nash Ladd

Dave Berg

Lea Berg

Bama & Emery

One months lessons...

So it has been a month from the time of Nash was born. One month. I can hardly believe it. Where does the time go? I have fallen in love with this little man. He has been such a huge blessing.

Being a mom has been an interesting road. I have learned a lot. Learning to be patient has been a huge lesson for me. When you can't figure out why your child is crying and no comfort can be found, patience comes in handy. I have learned to hold my breath for a longer length of time. Those green runny poops can really do a number on your nose. I have enjoyed learning to hold a baby and take two dogs out for potty breaks. I have learned to give of myself for the greater good. I have learned to just sit and be still and admire God's creation.

This past month has been very interesting. This month has had its fare share of struggles and moments of frustration. It has had its moments where i have felt overwhelmed and inferior. this month has had many moments, but i wouldn't trade this month for anything.

I am the luckiest...

I happen to be the mother of the most beautiful child in the whole world. Sorry all other children of the world, you are still good look'n. The process started on Sunday night. While hanging out with our friends Zach and Hope, (Hope also was my birth coach) i started to feel something happening. We chose to stay up and play some games, laugh and eat nasty tasting chicken fingers. every ten minutes or so I would pause and enjoy the wonderful feeling of a contraction. After staying up until 2 am we decided to hit the hay... well try at least.

For the next 6 hours i had contraction anywhere from 2-8 minutes apart. The hospital told us to stay home until i have a contraction every two minutes for an hour... i didn't even know that was possible. Then around 8 am i gave up. I was done laying on the floor in pain, it was time for the drugs. Jake and Hope packed up the car and we headed to the hospital. Little did I know i wouldn't be getting any drugs for a WHILE longer.

Things went SLOW! I was only dilated to a 1 when i arrived so we had some work to do. I walked, I lunged, and i utilized the big ball. Then... NOTHING happened. So the doctor did some magic work and then i was at a 2 ! Around 2:00pm Monday they decided to give my a mix of meds, morphine and something I can't remember. It was supposed to help me sleep, cause lets see i hadn't slept in about 35 hours, it didn't work. I still felt the pain. The next step was to WALK and to walk a lot. Stopping every 3 minutes to have Jake, Hope or my mom press on my back with all their strength. I had pretty intense back labor. Still NOTHING changed so we decided (the doctors) that around 10pm Monday i would get another dose of morphine and hopefully fall asleep and then be induced at 6 am tuesday. So 10pm came around I got the shot (in the butt, not fun) slept about 1 hour, maybe and then every 2-3 minutes i experienced the worst pain in my life. Jake would press on my back while i held onto the bed bar and cried for it all to end. I called the nurse, told her my pain was to much. so then the drugs finally came around 12:30 am Tuesday morning. I was given an epidural ( they had to do it twice) then patosin to induce labor. I FINALLY fell asleep. Then at 3am the nurse came in to check if i have dilated any more past a 2 and when she checked she looked up and said.. 'we better call the doctor, your ready to go.' The best words i could have heard. So I waited a little while and around 3:40 am i started to push. After about two minutes they told me i needed to roll over and stop pushing, the doctor wasn't there and i was to close. So at 4:02 am the doctor walked in I pushed and at 4:05 am Little Nash Dakota Edward Ladd entered our world.
He was 7lbs and 3 oz and 20 inches long.

I was in shock... I was now a real life mother. It was beautiful! I am the luckiest lady in the whole wide world. Every moment i thank God for giving me Nash. I thank him for the opportunity to understand a little bit more the love he has for all His children. I will be forever grateful of the family I have been blessed with. I have a loving, compassionate humble husband and a baby boy who shows me the love of God.

39 1/2 weeks and counting...

I can not believe how fast the past 37 weeks have gone. It really is crazy to think that I spent almost all of my time in Pine Ridge pregnant. Oh how life goes by so fast. well not the last two weeks. I feel like I am READY to have this baby. Not just because its hot out or i can't sleep and have to pee every few minutes, because I can not wait to see what our son is going to look like. I know I am in for a HUGE surprise once the little man arrives. Perhaps a constant state of being tired?? Oh dear, that does not sound fun, but I have a feeling it will all be worth the sleepless nights in the end.

I had a check up again today.. i am on the every week plan. Its always the same thing... wait in the lobby, wait in the lab, wait in the room even longer, then continue waiting for the baby to arrive.

everything went well. Its a pretty painful exam, but i have a feeling its nothing compared to birthing a child. Bring on the meds is all I can say!

39 1/2 weeks is where I am at today... the doctor lady says I could go at any moment. I am a ticking time bomb. Look out! I have a strange feeling it is going to begin in the middle of the night, when it will be most difficult to wake Jake and have him coherent enough to drive me to the hospital... perhaps he will be fine. I awoke today with the worst Charlie Horse in my leg, rolling in pain, jake looked at me and said... "i shouldn't touch you huh?" followed by "are you sure its not contractions?"
I responded while in increased agony "I am pretty sure contractions are not in your calf muscle and if they are no one told me."

I got out of bed took a hot shower and when i returned Jake kindly said "all i could do was think about laughing at you with that charlie horse"

It shall be interesting when i have real contractions... BRING THEM ON BABY!

The beauty all around

Good morning.

Today I woke up, praise God. I don't believe I do that enough. I am blessed to wake up another day, to see the sun and I am even blessed to hear the dog barking outside nonstop.
There is beauty in everything.
I find myself easily distracted from the beauty by my emotions. Sure I am pregnant, but that is not an excuse to be crabby or out of tune with the beauty God has created around me.
It is a choice. I every morning wake up with a choice, should i waste these eyes and see only the twisted world my sinful self wants me to see or can i go beyond and see the beauty and feel it in my soul.
Daily i feel torn down. Frustrated by making the same mistakes over and over.
Yet there is beauty in forgiveness.

Oh Lord my God, what a price that was payed.

Today i will choose to be filled with peace. Today i will struggle to be the person i was created to be. Today i will strive to LOVE.

Today I will see the beauty all around.

an old entry...

Wednesday, September 26, 2007 at 11:18am


This will be an on going process...
My Christianity is a struggle
It is a battle.
My Christianity asks me to Love without thinking
To cherish each human as Gods creation.
My Christianity asks me NOT to forget those who SEEM unlike me.
But to forget myself for others.
My Christianity has changed my world
My world is humanity.
My Christianity is about my Christ.

My Christ is my savior
He has forgiven not just me, but everyone.
My Christ LOVES
The Lost
The Broken
The abused
The Hurting
The Lonely
The Addicts
The Hungry
The Naked
And how amazed I am that he LOVES me.
I am nothing with out Him, an empty soul searching for the cross.

My life will be different.
For I no longer live, but Christ that lives in me.
I am a creation of God, designed in His image. I am not forgotten. I will live without FEAR.
I will not be safe any longer. I will not run from the cities crying out from injustice, but I will become a follower that Christ calls us to become.
I will Feed the hungry.
I will clothe the naked.
I will get the thirsty something to drink.
I will open my home to the homeless.
I will SEE MY SAVIOR IN EVERYONE!

who would have guessed...

When i think about my life i am often left in sheer wonder.
How did I get here?
Almost 7 years ago... 7 years that is a heck of a long time ago, i met Jake. Jake would change my life FOREVER. When i started college I never thought about getting married. I never really thought about being in a relationship. I had the idea that I would enjoy liking guys whenever I felt like it or if i got bored. Soon after i declared relationship FREEDOM, I was introduced to Jake. Oh how my life would change.
All of a sudden i found myself staying up late, skipping class and eating endless amount of Wendy's frosty's. Our relationship had grown such depth i found myself lost in its grip.
I was the luckiest girl on earth.
I was in love... Well what i thought was love at the time.
I was infatuated.
over the next four and a half years we had ups and we had downs. We laughed and we cried. We listened and we argued.
We never stopped loving...
We continued to fall in love.
We began to learn what love is, we began treating each other with LOVE. We are learning to die to ourselves so the other may thrive. We are Loving.
Married life is amazing. Married life is not easy and a joy at every passing moment. It can be hard, frustrating and feel disappointing.
We are learning to LOVE in the midst of all those feelings.
I would never trade a single moment that i have shared with Jake.
I am one lucky girl.
I write this now with an addition to our lives growing inside of me.
I am a mother. Jake is a father.
We are a family.
I would have never guessed i would be here.